This is why we can't have nice things

Hey. Populous. Yeah you, the group on Earth...

When the Hell did everyone stop thinking for themselves? When did we all decide that we're going to PAY people to tell us how to dress, eat and do our jobs? Could someone please clarify this for me?

I realize the American dream is still all about the money, the house and the famous friends to brag about, I do. I won't sit here and tell you that I don't strive for some form of that dream, but at least I try and do it on my own terms. No self-help books, Super-guru-money-making-Dr. Phil books or blog posts by "Professional Bloggers". And if I ever do make it to the American apple pie in the sky, you can bet your ass I ain't gonna write a damn book about how I got there and ...How you can too!

Have we seriously lost the ability to enjoy something completely on it's own merits?

Automaton 1: "Dude, The new Indiana Jones is out!"

Automaton 2: "I read on Digg it sucked."

Automaton 1: "Oh really?"

Automaton 2: "Yeah."

Automaton 1: "Good thing we didn't check it out for ourselves then."

Automaton 2: "Totally. Let's go buy a book on how to make millions in used shoes."

Jesus fuckin' Christmas in Connecticut, people! How many of you are making day-to-day decisions based on blog posts and Dr. Phil? Raise your hands if you've done this in the past week: You went to the store, you bought a vintage shirt that you thought looked cool, but when you get it home, you read on some dude's T-shirt blog that he ripped some other dude at a Starbucks for wearing the same shirt... So now you never put it on outside the house.

Really?

Well, did you know that T-shirt blogger is 468 pounds of chili con queso and he just recently purchased a storm trooper outfit for his dog?

Honestly, everyone... WTF?

We all envy those who make the money, so we buy their self-help books on how to make money, therefore giving them MORE money to write more books that we can buy! On how to make more MONEY! Do you honestly think they're selling some magical secret that you don't already have in your brain? They had to figure it out for themselves, right? I bet you could probably do that to, with just a bit of effort and avoid shelling out the dough for a quick-fix book that will tell you what you already know.

Maybe we're all lazy. Maybe we're all depressed. Maybe self-help is the wave of the future. In the year 2046, no one will have an original thought, except for "the hive" and we'll all purchase a self-help implant, specific to our chosen career path. We'll all wear the clothes the hive likes and eat food the hive likes. There won't be any flawed, but absolutely entertaining movie remakes and we'll all be rich, the clean, vanilla and lack-luster "hive" way.

Whatever the deal is, it skunks my beer and I don't like it. Don't like one bit.

Yours in Pontificational Ridicularity,

Das Faketh Rockstario