This is why we can't have nice things
Hey. Populace. Yeah you, the group on Earth...
When the Hell did everyone stop thinking for themselves? When did we all decide that we're going to PAY people to tell us how to dress, eat and do our jobs? Could someone please clarify this for me?
I realize the American dream is still all about the money, the house and the famous friends to brag about, I do. I won't sit here and tell you that I don't strive for some form of that dream, but at least I try and do it on my own terms. No self-help books, Super-guru-money-making-Dr. Phil books or blog posts by "Professional Bloggers". And if I ever do make it to the American apple pie in the sky, you can bet your ass I ain't gonna write a damn book about how I got there and ...How you can too!
Have we seriously lost the ability to enjoy something completely on it's own merits?
Automaton 1: "Dude, The new Indiana Jones is out!"
Automaton 2: "I read on Digg it sucked."
Automaton 1: "Oh really?"
Automaton 2: "Yeah."
Automaton 1: "Good thing we didn't check it out for ourselves then."
Automaton 2: "Totally. Let's go buy a book on how to make millions in used shoes."
Jesus fuckin' Christmas in Connecticut, people! How many of you are making day-to-day decisions based on blog posts and Dr. Phil? Raise your hands if you've done this in the past week: You went to the store, you bought a vintage shirt that you thought looked cool, but when you get it home, you read on some dude's T-shirt blog that he ripped some other dude at a Starbucks for wearing the same shirt... So now you never put it on outside the house.
Really?
Well, did you know that T-shirt blogger is 468 pounds of chili con queso and he just recently purchased a storm trooper outfit for his dog?
Honestly, everyone... WTF?
We all envy those who make the money, so we buy their self-help books on how to make money, therefore giving them MORE money to write more books that we can buy! On how to make more MONEY! Do you honestly think they're selling some magical secret that you don't already have in your brain? They had to figure it out for themselves, right? I bet, with just a little bit of effort, you could probably do the same and avoid shelling out the dough for a quick-fix book that will tell you what you already know.
Maybe we're all lazy. Maybe we're all depressed. Maybe self-help is the wave of the future. In the year 2046, no one will have an original thought, except for "the hive" and we'll all purchase a self-help implant, specific to our chosen career path. We'll all wear the clothes the hive likes and eat food the hive eats. There won't be any flawed, but absolutely entertaining movie remakes and we'll all be rich! The clean, vanilla and lack-luster "hive" way.
Whatever the deal is, it skunks my beer and I don't like it. Don't like one it bit.
Yours in Pontificational Ridicularity,
Das Faketh Rockstario
posted by Fake Rockstar at 12:39 PM
subscribe to the drink at work newsletter
6 Comments:
Absolutely correct.
Except it's not new, it's just worse and even more obvious than ever - except to the addled, who are no closer than ever to noticing that they have turned into lemmings, slugs or zeroes.
You'd think the sheer enormity of any bookstore's "self-help" section would be enough to wake up the numbest nincompoop. (You wish.)
Luckily, I only do what God tells me to do. You know, he wrote a book, too. And let me tell you, it's been on the bestseller list since the beginning of time.
"It skunks my beer." Gold.
Amen brother! I personally attribute it to the declining state of education in our schools. Never mind self help books, just check the late night TV ads, and the crap they sell in "health" stores. My favorite now - bodily detoxification by putting tape on your feet at night. Brilliant, for the foot tape people.
I agree with much of what you write. Personally, I usually only buy how-to books such as for plumbing or other household repairs. I did buy one on meditation, but that was for an experiment. It worked.
If someone scolds you on your vintage "Stones" tee in public, you should punch them out then jump up and down on their abdomens until their guts shoot out of their ass.
As for rich people, I have found they do not seek rivals; so any advice they give you on how to become as wealthy as they are is, of course, intentionally flawed.
I never read movie reviews as I found out very early that critics' opinions and mine differ markedly.
Dr. Phil? He's like a gypsy fortune teller at the county fair. For Entertinm4nt Purposes Only. He may just be getting his solutions out of astrology tables. If I want advice I'll look in the dictionary. It's in there, somewhere between aardvark and asshole.
We don't need advice from strangers. People hire trainers, dietitians and "life coaches" to tell us the same thing out mothers did. Go to bed on time, eat your vegetables, and get some exercise.
That's great advice, I will follow it to the letter!
We were discussing the "don'ts" of public speaking in the PR class I teach.Grey Classic Cardy Ugg Boots "Don'ts" include a man reaching into his pant pocket and jangling change as he speaks,Black Classic Short Ugg Boots which is very distracting. To illustrate my point, I asked for a student volunteer, saying,Chestnut Classic Short Ugg Boots "I need a man with coins in his pocket." What I got was a girl yelling out, "Honey, so do I!"
Post a Comment
<< Home