"Don't Touch Me There" this FRIDAY

This new New York comedy staple is a sure bet if you're looking for a fun, affordable night out. And...if you attend the show, as an incentive, I'll even marry you.

Please note: If more than one person attends due to my request, we'll have to all move to Utah for a communal marriage, probably out on the Range. But with no Hornsby. I'm sorry. But...

That's just the way it is. Some things will never change. That's just the way it is. But don't you believe them.