Great/Awful Moments on the Dan VS America Tour, #47
Eating dinner at a Qdoba before a 5 hour drive to the next hamlet , Dan and I were approached by a 90 year-old woman who had been sitting with her walker-bound husband moments before. She walked up to our table, stood there silently for a moment which was creepy enough, then shared with us the most disturbing non-sequitur which was, "My husband and I were just saying that you two gentlemen have the most wonderful haircuts ever."
Dan and I exchanged a "Are we about to be eaten by human-sized, sentient insect in disguise as an old lady" look, then gave her a tentative "thank you."
She then said our haircuts were much better than any of those being sported by the young teen employees of the restaurant. By now she had shattered the social contract not only between two groups of restaurant patrons but between "sweet old people" and "a couple of people trying to eat quietly because they're tired." It was on.
I asked if there was a new MTV for the elderly and were we were being Punkd. Dan asked her if she was wearing a camera. In response she covered her chest with her shawl and replied in the negative. Dan then said, "You don't have to close your jacket. I wasn't looking at your boobs."
She assured us that she was aware that there was nothing to look at "in that area" and persisted in chatting by asking what we were doing in town. To which, I replied, "We're in a John Ashcroft cover band called Let The Eagle Rock," while Dan explained we were "part of a two man Shaolin Soccer team and were giving free lessons to underprivileged youths."
She stared for a moment more, not sure what to say. So we cleared it up and shared that we were on a stand up tour. She asked if it was a clean tour. We both said no. She winked once at both of us, then left. AND THAT WAS IT.
I'm still left wondering if she was either a ghost or part of some far advanced citizen's watch program where the elderly are placed under cover throughout the town to strike up conversations with strangers and find out where they're going, possibly to avoid another First Blood. Who knows. All that matters is that this even happened and that it's still creeping me out.
MORE Great/Awful Moments on the Dan VS America Tour TOMORROW.
Dan and I exchanged a "Are we about to be eaten by human-sized, sentient insect in disguise as an old lady" look, then gave her a tentative "thank you."
She then said our haircuts were much better than any of those being sported by the young teen employees of the restaurant. By now she had shattered the social contract not only between two groups of restaurant patrons but between "sweet old people" and "a couple of people trying to eat quietly because they're tired." It was on.
I asked if there was a new MTV for the elderly and were we were being Punkd. Dan asked her if she was wearing a camera. In response she covered her chest with her shawl and replied in the negative. Dan then said, "You don't have to close your jacket. I wasn't looking at your boobs."
She assured us that she was aware that there was nothing to look at "in that area" and persisted in chatting by asking what we were doing in town. To which, I replied, "We're in a John Ashcroft cover band called Let The Eagle Rock," while Dan explained we were "part of a two man Shaolin Soccer team and were giving free lessons to underprivileged youths."
She stared for a moment more, not sure what to say. So we cleared it up and shared that we were on a stand up tour. She asked if it was a clean tour. We both said no. She winked once at both of us, then left. AND THAT WAS IT.
I'm still left wondering if she was either a ghost or part of some far advanced citizen's watch program where the elderly are placed under cover throughout the town to strike up conversations with strangers and find out where they're going, possibly to avoid another First Blood. Who knows. All that matters is that this even happened and that it's still creeping me out.
MORE Great/Awful Moments on the Dan VS America Tour TOMORROW.
posted by The Crespo at 12:27 PM
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