Progressively Insane Email Subject Headings I Have Used When Dealing with Sallie Mae

SUBJECT: I'll get you your damn money now let me die in peace.

SUBJECT: Ms. Mae, you may have qualified for LEAVING ME ALONE. This offer is good forever. But use it now please.

SUBJECT: This will never work, Sallie! You know it won't. I'm from the wrong side of the tracks and you're a non-corporeal loan institution. But damnitall I love you!

SUBJECT: Did you get the free Kevlar vests I sent you? If not, contact the post office cause time is running out.

SUBJECT: I bet if you converted my debt into chickens, we could feed Africa. Why do you hate Africa, Sallie Mae?

SUBJECT: I NEED you. NEED with a capital PLEASE!

SUBJECT: Due to a temporary strike of the union representing the spiders that reply to all my emails for me, this will be the last email you get from me until those spiders are fairly compensated.

SUBJECT: Dr. Jones, I have found the Temple of Aanco Mayna. STOP. Further instructions? STOP. The boy eating his weight in mammals and lugo-berri fruits daily as requested. STOP. He took out a village alone last night. STOP. That magical amulate really works! FULL STOP.

SUBJECT: Let's play the Crying Game!!!!