A New Drink at Work Film!

Foleymare

"Testing, 1, 2...Testing.... Diane, it's 8:00 AM, Seattle, Washington"

There are few things I lost more time over in my life than Twin Peaks. Naturally, I watched the show religiously. I would count down the hours until air time each week starting a couple of days before. I stayed with it after Laura Palmer's killer was revealed, gladly enduring some of the more aggravating subplots (most notably, the low rent Postman Always Rings Twice storyline involving James Hurley). I bought The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer and read it until it's spine came apart. I ran several red lights and sped through the breakdown lane in order to make the opening night screening of Fire Walk With Me (having been made late by a tardy, inconsiderate and non-obsessed friend). I owned t-shirts, posters, soundtracks (and everything else by Angelo Badalamenti and/or Julee Cruise I could get my hands on). But my most prized possession was this:



The tape in my cassette has long since evaporated but I can still hear it: the whistling pines through Agent Cooper's car window, his starched shirt bravado, his whimsical enthusiasm over the tiny pleasures in life, his meticulous sexiness. Rrrow! Never before had a lonely girl owned such an audio pleasure.

And now thanks to the Internet and the eagle-eye of my dearest friend Mindy, I (and you, you lucky bastards) can drift to sleep to the melodious tones of a good man's diary in mp3 format!

http://my.opera.com/mountainsofmadness/blog/show.dml/507455

That is...excuse me...a damn good download!

Drink At Work: "DOWN IT"

Expect to start seeing lots of these on your telephone poles, New York.

A "This is real" Update:Humanity Officially In Decline as of the Michael Jackson Robot

Above: Michael Jackson opted to appear live via satellite for the press conference.


This is real:

Michael Jackson is going to create a 50 foot robot version of himself as part of a Jackson themed attraction in Las Vegas.

This is real:

The robot is intended to stride "around the desert, firing laser beams."

This is real:

Luckman Van Pier, Jackson's business partner told the New York Daily News, "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see."


So the question to ask is...

Is this madness?

Well, it's certainly not Sparta, although Jackson's face has had more work done to it than the dailies from "300."

We all want to be remembered and loved, but come on! There are gradations to self-aggrandizement. This is right off the charts though. It's not as if there was a groundswell of popular support from thousands of Americans moved to create this robot as a show of love for a living legend. The man's not dying, he's not sick. How could he be? He's been in a hyperbaric chamber for decades.

Jackson was probably just sitting around trying to melt a grilled cheese sandwich with his chi and it occured to him how much easier it would be if only he could shoot lasers from his eyes.

But a 50 foot robot replica of yourself that shoots lasers to attract people to your Las Vegas show? Stop the Elephant Man-themed rollercoaster cause I need to get off.

Michael Jackson is a mentally diseased freakshow who used up his King of Pop capital long ago. Normally, I'd suggest a healthy regimen of sepuku until a case of reputation-restorative death kicked in and we could finally just remember the guy for what he did right...so many years ago.

I'm feeling kind today however.

Therefore, I'll suggest the following: Michael does not need to die, but he does need to ingest a 10,000 kilogram dose of Lunesta laced with warm milk and footy pajamas to make sure he naps for the rest of his unnatural life. The next peep we hear from him should be the ungodly snores that must rip through his surgically daintified, plastic pixie-fart of a nose. As of now, every penny earned by Drink At Work will go exclusively to the bioengineering of a vast armada of cyberorganic Lunesta moths programmed to hover exclusively around Jackson and anyone stupid enough to suggest the creation of mechanical, 50 foot, laser shooting tribute to the man, keeping them abed now and forever.

Or until the moths break down.

So...maybe a week?

Donations can be made live at the Drink At Work Show every Tuesday night at 8 pm at Rififi in the form of a $5 bill.

And before I go, I'll answer the question forming in your brainage right now. "Is there irony in making a denouncement of the grandiose self-promotional schemes of others and ending it with a blatant advertisement for your own show?"

Surely, friend. But thankfully, this is America and we don't truck with irony.

Spectacle? Yes.

Irony? Not since Thomas Paine.

We miss you, T-bird.

Thanks to comedian and DAW favorite Vince Averill for the glorious tip-off.

Brandy And Sara present: Matt's Party

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Office Overhearsion ®

Drone #1: God has been so good to me. He has. He got me the new Accord I drove for the first time yesterday and is helping J.J. with his grades. God has, yes, He has been good to me and mine. (pause) So how's Marissa doing with the kids?

Drone #2: Fucking crazy.

Jon Lang talking about Sour Patch Kids on GROUPER

Check out DAW's favorite be-suited genius at one of his Gotham Comedy Club appearances.

A Tender Portrait of Indifference and Anatomy

More pics from last Saturday's night of wrong.

Tom Shillue, Liam McEneaney and Elephant Larry Tonight at DAW!

There's an old saying about comedy:

"You wanna know how you do it? Here's how...they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone."

Of course, we're paraphrasing but you get the idea. Well, folks, tonight's performers embody the true spirit of those words, perhaps more than any line-up in the history of any comedy show ever.

Performing tonight:

Tom Shillue The classiest guy in comedy...also the stabbiest.

Liam McEneaney He carries two guns and will use them both tonight.

Elephant Larry This sketch group has killed more families than Capone ever dreamed.

Plus, DAW's very own Elliot Ness, host Craig Baldo and the Ennio Morricone of comedy, DAW regular Sean Crespo. And you never know who else might swing by, especially since we're still not entirely sure who else is booked! (See previous posts regarding the lost PDA.)

The Drink at Work Show: Where's Nitti? He's in the car.

Rififi/Cinema Classics
8:00 P.M.
332 E. 11th Street
$5 Cover

Fitzy returns!

COMEDYNET VLOG: Last Entry

Inappropriate Music for Unimportant Tasks

Be astounded as I fight the age-old battle of Ice Cream vs. Karate, with absolutely inappropriate music to create the drama.

So anyway, this is the end of these folks. For more vlog action, I'll be moving over to NBC's Dot Comedy shortly and working on some more fun short films for them. I'd like to thank Comedynet.com for being so wonderful to work with. Good food, good folks, good...times? My point is they're good.

Yours in Engrams,
Sean Crespo

Comic of the Week: Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is not only devastatingly funny, he's also one of the nicest, most likable guys in comedy. In fact, he's such a sweet dude one might worry that he's setting himself up for an ironic tragedy. Nevertheless, we at Drink at Work are convinced that this guy will soon become a household name, and not because of an untimely, unseemly accident.

But don't let his genial off-stage attitude fool you. The moment DeVito starts a set his biting commentary on corporate culture, growing up Catholic and the finer distinctions in ethnicity will leave you howling. And that's exactly what we love about him: he's a good guy with bitter dark side. Perfection!

And listen-up NYC comedy fans because you're in luck: you can check out Anthony tonight at his Montreal audition at the Broadway Comedy Club at 8pm! Call 212-757-2323 for reservations.

Anthony's Web site
His MySpace Page

Overhearsion™

At the Ridgeway Diner on 6th Avenue, two elderly ladies who were paying their bill as I waited for my lentil soup:

Elderly Lady 1 [annoyed]: Are you a Buddhist, too?

Elderly Lady 2 [outraged]: No! I was raised Episcopalian.

Photos from last night's Drink at Work!

We had an awesome show last night and Mindy picked up some fantastic shots. Check out more on the 20D photoblog.

My personal favorite:


Kevin Janus

3 Minute Crespos

Major motion picture summarized by a cartoonish mammal in a little under three minutes.

Also funny.

Soup's on.

Office Overhearsion ®

The two folks, one a fairly flamboyantly fay man and the other alarge brassy lady who drinks abotu 10 cups of coffee a day, in the cubes next to me walked by on their way to the cafeteria and this is all I heard:

Woman: You know who's got it going on? Chuck Norris.

Man: I'm so glad you said that cause I think he's a really undervalued actor.

Woman: Well no shit Sherlock.

Man: Speaking of, did you ever solve the mystery of your missing Cathy ca--?

I pray the next two syllables were --lendar and not --theter.

Regardless, if these two aren't spiritually fulfilled humans, I don't know who is. But what do you expect? Of course there will be a multitude of peopel sucking the marrow out of life near my site of employ. I do after all work right next to PEOPLE WITH AIDS PLAZA.

30 Second Bunnies

Major motion pictures summarized by cartoon bunnies in 30 seconds.

This is funny.

COMEDYNET VLOG: Taxes 2007

Baron von Taxes is an accountant, kind of. Don't argue about the nature of numbers with the Taxman, or you'll get your refund on a napkin.

COMEDYNET VLOG: Welcome, brother.

Welcome to The Path of The Way, my Cult of Cobblers. Never heard of it? I will initiate the hell out of you and usher you into The Prayerarium. Right this way!

COMEDYNET VLOG: Drinks @ 11 am

Includes: Drinking at 11am, wondering about hermaphrodites, and marveling at the NY Post still being in publication.

Boston Teabag Party

As if New York didn't have enough smartasses, attitude and transplanted Red Sox fans to deal with, now they get more of them all...in one comedy show more "wicked awesum" than that creepy old guy who used to buy beer for you at the packie when you were 15.

On March 15th, 2007, Professor Thom's Bar (219 2nd Ave, btwn E 13th and E 14th St., NYC) proudly presents the premiere of THE BOSTON TEBAG PARTY, a monthly showcase of the best Boston-area comics currently living in New York City. Hosted by Braintree, MA's own NICK STEVENS (VH1, ESPN, Townienews.com), with DJ music magic and sidekick action from GEOFF "THUNDERSTICK" STEVENS, THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will feature the people who grew up in a city and region so historical, so sharp, so tight-knit that we all had to move to New York to make people laugh...sometimes for money. Plus last call here is three hours later than Beantown.

Starring comedians from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", "The Daily Show", Comedy Central, HBO, SpikeTV and more, THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will not be all about Boston. Nor will you have to be from Boston to appreciate it (Admit it - even if you aren't from Beantown I bet you still liked "The Departed", right?) The BTBP will be all about the people from Boston throwing a comedy party in NYC. Kinda like the 2004 ALCS. Except more enjoyable for Yankee fans.

Our inaugural show's lineup is a perfect sampling of some of the best comedic comedery Boston has produced in recent year...

**Hot off his appearance at The 2007 US Arts Aspen Comedy Fest and his "Live at Gotham" taping for Comedy Central...ERIC ANDRE (www.e-rok.com)
**The co-creator of the successful "Drink At Work" show and one of the most creative minds on the NYC comedy scene...SEAN CRESPO
(drinkatwork.com / thecrespo.cracked.com)
**They rock! They sing! They drink! And they are the hosts of the fantastic "Geek Ray TV" on SPIKE TV...THE ROB AND MARK SHOW (robandmarkshow.com)
**Few people make awkward and honest so funny - a fast-rising star in comedy and a familiar face from "Best Week Ever"...PETE HOLMES (peteholmes.com)

**And yes, contests! Challenges! Surprises! Drink specials (like Harpoon brewery's Lenny Bruce Ale) and more all-night!

Sure to be wicked. Sure to be pissah. And sure to involve drinking and fighting, don't miss the premiere of what some are already calling, "A townie-flavored comedy keg party with a mic and some chairs and that giant-headed guy from that ESPN hosting it"...

THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY
Hosted by Nick Stevens
Premieres this Thursday March 15th, 2007 @ 9pm
Doors Open @ 830pm
Location - The Loft @ Professor Thom's
219 2nd Ave (btwn E 13th and E 14th St.), NYC
Tickets - $5
Info - Myspace.com/bostonteabagparty / bostonteabagparty@gmail.com

Fitzy's Wicked Pissah Webcast 3/11/07

Drink at Work's Barely Famous at Comix...A Photo Recap

This was an unbelievable night! First of all, Comix is an amazing place to do a show. The performance space is beautiful and incredibly intimate for a place that can accommodate 320 patrons. The staff was so nice and helpful and the green room was first class. We almost didn't know what to do with ourselves in such a nice space. The show itself was a blast: Tom Shillue was a fantastic host and all of our acts turned in great performances. We had a turnout of about 150 including some industry...woohoo! And the after party in the Comix lounge was the perfect closer...well, we closed the club and then went somewhere else, but you get the idea. Best of all, Comix was so happy with us they've asked us to produce a "Best of" Drink at Work night there every few months. Hell yeah!

Thanks to everyone who performed and attended! Here are some photos by our favorite photographer, and southern girl, Mindy Tucker (click image for the whole archive):


Elephant Larry performing "Sittin' on a Bear"

Tom Shillue hosts Drink at Work's BARELY FAMOUS Tonight at Comix!

Friends, Well-Wishers, Lovers of Comedy:

To celebrate the first anniversary of The Drink at Work Show, we've gathered together our favorite stand-up, sketch and musical comedy performers as well as our favorite headlining host for a once-only evening at the hottest new comedy club in New York. You see, we're fans first and foremost, and this is our dream line-up. This show is chock-full of acts you're about to start seeing everywhere, if you haven't already. So if you've ever wanted to enjoy a great night of comedy while simultaneously seeing into the future, this is the night for you.

Performing tonight:

Matt McCarthy (MAX at Mo Pitkins)
Lucas Held (Magnet Theater, Annoying Hipster Douchebag)
Elephant Larry (The Great Sketch Experiment with John Landis)
Dan Curry (Heart of Darkness, The Drink at Work Show)
Brandy Barber & Sara Jo Allocco (The Kissing Booth)
Craig Baldo (Montreal Just For Laughs Festival)
Sean Crespo (Fuse, The Drink at Work Show)
Eric Andre (U.S. Comedy & Arts Festival)
God's Pottery (Edinburgh Fringe Festival)

And your evening's host Tom Shillue (Comedy Central Presents)

Drink at Work's BARELY FAMOUS
TONIGHT, 8pm
Comix
353 W. 14th St.
Tickets: 212-524-2500
$10, plus two item minimum
Order Online NOW with our promotional code (DAWWEB) and save $5

See you tonight,
Your DAW Bartenders

COMEDYNET VLOG: Cooking with spyroketes

I've cooked up a detente souffle with a carpaccio bouilliabase base and a side of raspberry tartar... tarts. The secret ingredients? Febreze and Gummi Bears!

Brandy&Sara present: PUPPY LOVE

Sara really likes dogs. REALLY.

Seen It: Drink at Work

Dustin and Nick of People I Like came down to one of our shows recently and they put together this nice little video. They've been doing a lot of these lately and I'm really thrilled with how ours came out. I just wish they had more footage of me talking...apparently, I was feeling shy that day.



We return to Rififi on March 13th, but we have a special show this Thursday at Comix with some of our favorite acts. Buy tickets here (discount code is DAWWEB).

In related news/videos, People I Like returns at Gotham City Improv on March 10th. Check out the trailer Nick and Dustin made for it:

Huh...

OK, loyal Drink at Work readers, I have a confession to make...

Like the Town Fathers of Bayou City, I too am an overgrown 17 year old boy.

How do I know?

Well, here's my proof...

(Let me warn you in advance: this story is really mundane at first, but trust me, before you know it, it turns into a thrill a minute fun-ride that'll leave you begging for more - almost...)

Like any self-proclaimed Wild Man, I sat down a few weeks ago to start my taxes early.


(See? I wouldn't kid you people. If it got more mundane, I'd be starting with today's shopping trip, which included a fantastic deal on Friskies cat food...)

I hadn't done the math yet, but I had a hunch I'd be getting a little something back.

When I actually did the math, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I was getting more than I expected.

What was I to do with this nifty little windfall?

Perhaps I could replace the sad 10-year old corduryos and non-ironic, so old-it's-not-vintage-T-shirt that I'm wearing at the moment...


Perhaps my girlfriend and I could take a little trip...


Or maybe, just maybe, I could finally justify buying...

Drum roll, please...

An Xbox 360.


Yep. That choice pretty much made itself.

Oh, I had all kinds of justification for the purchase - once I'd made up my mind:

• It would give me something to do on lazy, rainy weekend afternoons that, while not exactly productive, was not too self-destructive - and most importantly, something other than wandering to the bar across the street and drinking mint juleps all afternoon
  
  
• I could re-claim my video game manhood, long-lost after the IT guys at my first real employer (of many) forced me to remove Duke Nuke'Em 3D from the network
  
  
• Seriously, those mint juleps, man - they go to your head and next thing you know you're doing Sunday night karaoke, it's 3 in the morning and you're not sure where your phone is...

Now I did not tread into this investment lightly. Oh no. I did my homework.

In fact, before I start getting 475 comments a minute from the hordes of 17-year olds (both real and emotionally retarded like me) who roam this Inter-Net, let me assure you all that I read more "PS3 vs 360" debates online than is healthy for a 30-something man.

And I'm aware that the Wii has that nunchuk thing.

But you know what?

When I play Nintendo games I feel like a 9-year old Japanese girl, and the tax return, while nice, was not PS3-with-actual-games-and-another-controller-nice...

So please, leave the tech-forum comments at home, in your mom's basement, where both of you belong.

Aw, shucks. I'm rambling again.

Point is, today, with crazy weather above us and no weekend plans or obligations for the first time in a long time, I trekked out to Circuit City to buy myself an Xbox.

The transaction was simple enough - that's not where the story is.

The story comes with Circuit City's unique approach to under-promotion: their thin, clear, downright flimsy plastic bags.

After buying myself an Xbox 360, I found myself stepping out onto 14th street in Manhattan with a clear plastic bag that clearly held... an Xbox 360.

A number of thoughts should have hit me at this moment:

• "I should go back and see if they have non-see-through bags..."
• "Seriously, they sell alll kinds of shit people would want to steal - you'd think they'd have bags that don't scream, 'STEAL ME!'..."
• "Even if they don't, I could slip a few of their advertisements inside the bag - you know, to hide the giant 14 inch by 14 inch XBOX 360 logo that's hanging from my hand..."

Instead, my first thought was, "shit. I don't think I have enough cash to take a cab back to Brooklyn..."

At that point, I was faced with the less-than-ideal options of wandering around Union Square with an Xbox 360 dangling from my hand while looking for an ATM or trusting The Fates, Fortuna and/or Odin and getting on the subway.


I chose the latter and instantly regretted it.

I was no sooner through the turnstile before I realized the bag was stretching and was about to break. At this point it hit me: I'm going to own this thing for no more than 11 minutes.

Like any intrepid blogger, though, I steeled myself for the experience, convinced it would make a thrilling tale for those of you who worked through the cat food sidebar, the tech debate and the incredibly mundane discussion of Circuit City packaging protocol - and are still with me at this point.

I told myself, "fuck it. I'm going to trust in human nature for once and just relax. And if it gets stolen, I'm going to go all Captain America on the thief and write about it for Drink at Work."


Just for you, loyal reader, I braved a veritable Underworld of loathsome characters, all gunning for my prized, tax-windfall toy...

Like Cerberus himself, a three-headed Peruvian band (with, less supernaturally, three bodies) greeted me at the ramp to the L-train.

Fortunately, I managed to pass by their six eyes un-noticed, as they closed them to pipe their haunting tunes...

No sooner had I dodged my Andean nemeses than I faced my own Charon, an old, blind Polish man playing the accordion at the bottom of the steps, attempting to distract me from my precious cargo...

Finally, horror of horrors, as the L train arrived and pulled me deeper into my subterranean hell, I met Persephone herself.

She's a writer or a video artist or something like that, and she lives in my neighborhood. Anyway, she pointed at my conspicuous cargo and asked why I picked the Xbox 360 over the PS3. I was a bit thrown off, but I managed to mumble, "um... personally, I went for the system with more games..."

(OK, I never got her name, so I'm not sure her name was Persephone, but there's a chance, right?)

Folks, it wasn't until I got home that I realized how disappointed I was - I didn't come close to getting mugged.

I took the fucking New York City subway on a busy Sunday afternoon, dangling an Xbox 360 in a too-crappy-to-be-believed see-through Circuit City bag, and all I could get out of it was a contrived underworld/Hades metaphor.

Shit.

What a letdown...

I was really hoping to come back all fired up on adrenaline, stunned that my ill-timed, new faith in humanity had been disappointed.

I was going to beat myself up for your amusement, frustrated that I fell for the one-guy-bumps-into-you-then-his-friend-grabs-your-bag trick...

I was going to recall, in slow-motion memory, how the hipster next to me said, "whoa, man! That guy just grabbed your Xbox and ran!"

I was going to tell you how I tried to chase the guy - I really did - but he handed it off to another guy, and dammit, they knew exactly what they were doing...

Later, I was going to respond to all of your comments, about how you wouldn't have let that shit happen and how dumb I was and how if only I knew Brazilian jiu-jitsu I could have at least taken my aggressions out on the "whoa, man!" hipster...

Instead, I'm sitting here, still somewhat surprised I got the thing home.

Now, the only real question remains:

Do I really want to spend all afternoon setting this thing up while there are mint juleps just waiting across the street?

COMEDYNET VLOG: Sociology, eclairs, and time travel

I will unveil to you the troubling relationship shared by Sociology, Eclairs, and Time Travel. Damn You, French Pastry!