My Own Personal Gay Transvestite Prostitute Stalker

You know that you've really made it in Hollywood when you have your very own stalker. Especially when that stalker is a 51-year-old, homeless, gay, transvestite, male prostitute, street hustler, open mic comedian.

I don't think even Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt can brag about having one of these.

I have really made it.

And by "it" of course I mean a huge mistake by continuing to live in such a depressing city and letting such an unsavory, troubled and potentially dangerous individual gain my trust.