History's Greatest Engagement Announcements #1

Dearest Future Bride,

I have accepted your father's mildly generous dowry of 12,000 hectares of good Northumberland Swamp Meat and one Mormon Tabernacle preserved half-eaten in amber.

The wedding will take place tomorrow at High Duskuary. Pastor Emanuel Higgenmirth will preside during the sentencing.

And not to be outdone by our village's celebrations from last Equinox's very successful warlock-droppings scavenger hunt led by Bainbridge Fallow (yes, Bainbridge, 3 stones worth of warlock droppings IS a great deal. We're all very proud of you. Now please stop wearing a gold-encased ball of it around your neck. It is still, after all, shit), my finest snout-Bedazzled oxen will pull the train of your wedding tarp while you tarry aloft my grandest Lockheed Martin F-7 Light Assault Reconnaissance Jet.

Dinner is chicken or fish.

And thus, shall we be locked in wed.

FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER...and etcetera!

Yours in "Husbandry,"
Betrothed,
The Thane of Veerhoven