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MANHATTAN EYE STOPPER!

In the heart of Manhattan, situated perfectly between the West Village and an unknown crater on what we think may be one of Jupiter's moons (possibly Ganymede), lies a unique apartment community that brings the best of New York right to your doorstep, which itself can be found on the roof. Great apartments, sun drenched (by star cluster NGC6940), and lots of very, very interesting stairs, not to mention all the hands drawing themselves you could ever want. And all at a location that's exactly where you want to be, as long as that location does not lie on an X-Y-Z axis point.

So if you enjoy hallways that turn into ceilings, doorways which lead to balconies overlooking the underside of the stairs you took to get to that doorway, and hardwood floors...

...then this "relativistically" baroque, multidimensional non-Euclidian pre-war apartment could be for you.

Come home to the elegance of literally impossibly high ceilings, marble fireplaces, and a 6 bedroom appointment (two bedrooms are upside down, one sideways left, one sideways right, three right side up but which all share the same side of one door, and one which is, as the owner puts it, "outside of itself").

Utilities Included: Heat, Gas, Water, and Electric. Gravity is negotiable. And trash is picked up two days before you are to drop it off (Tuesday).

PREVIOUS OWNER'S NOTES:
Constant Velocity is not guaranteed in orientation transferrance junctures, so, for example, walk slowly when moving from wall to stairs or vice versa. Also, water in this apartment tends to not take the shape of its container. Either the container or sometimes you will take the shape of it. Taking a bath is still preferable to attempting to shower however, since the water tends to arrive at inconvenient locations, like the Civil War era or black holes.

Magnets don't work.

AND BE WARNED! There are a lot of stairs. This is not a good apartment for the elderly or those with heart conditions or anyone uncomfortable arriving in a location underneath the thing they are on top of.

The one thing you'll never need worry about is storage space. I have been using the same 4 X 6 ft closet to store everything for years now. And I mean "everything" as in "everything I own." I park my car in that closet. Over 60,000 books, a pony, and several heaths from some Scottish property are in there. My last apartment is also stored there. (I am renting that out as well to anyone willing to risk disappearing forever. Reasonably priced.)

Call ESCHER UNREALTY today to visit this location(s). Sick bags provided.

I'm 30 today. Now eat my Frankfurter Sandwich.

Why is this the world we live in?
Why am I wearing a clip-on tie?
What do angels smell like?

Comedic Actor Peter Boyle Dies Aged 71

Be sad, everyone.

From everyone who took joy from your brilliant work...

WE SALUTE YOU, PETE!

Thank you for having been you. And I'm sorry you were #3. I was really hoping it would be someone I hate.

not so.

SEAN CRESPO TURNS 30 tomorrow (Dec. 13)

Two months ago I was once again IN THE GODDAMN chips, earning my living in comedy, on a stand up tour, writing for a cool website (officepirates), selling short films, etc. It was great.

CUT TO: THE DAY BEFORE SEAN CRESPO'S 30th BIRTHDAY

I sit in a small cube and wear a clip on tie. I work at a bloated government agency where my townie coworkers routinely describe our part of downtown New York as "a little chinky." I have no duties to speak of but I am required to get to my desk by 9 am exactly. If I don't, I'm warned, I will be docked however many minutes worth of pay I've missed.

This is some hard core anal retentiveness we're talking about.

I believe I spent most of last week filing something or other. I'm not sure. And today I'm multi-tasking, i.e. I had lunch and wrote this entry



Above: The choices left to me in life.



Please don't let your friends turn 30. It's quite simply...unAmerican.

Economist Friedman Dies Aged 94, Enfeebled Dictator Pinochet Dies Aged 91

Don't be sad, everyone. Think of his death not as the end of this being known as Milton Friedman, but as his body being privatized by worms and dirt. Rejoice that Milton Friedman's soul-body connection has finally been deregulated. So no, he didn't just "die." What really happened was he outsourced his consciousness to a higher plane.

So from everyone in America no longer able to earn a livable wage, scrabbling sub-subsistence payckecks together....from the millions of impoverished and unprotected workers screwed over by NAFTA and CAFTA and every other horse shit free market ideologue....

WE SALUTE YOU, MILT!
-------------------



Don't be sad, everyone. Think of his death not as the end of this being known as Augusto Pinochet, but as his consciousness being "disappeared" by heaven's secret police. Rejoice at the biochemical coup that finally brought an end to the tyranny of his body's need to breathe, eat, excrete, etc...

So no, he didn't just "die." What really happened was he escaped the despotic rule of the material plane.

So from everyone in South America and around the world still missing loved ones killed and tortured by your hired thugs, from the democratically elected government of president Salvador Allende, from the many Chilean industries that were allowed to be bought out or controlled by extra-national interests who were unconcerned about Chile's well being due to your zealous adherence to the failed religion of the free market...

WE SALUTE YOU, AUGUSTO!

The Drink At Work Show is moving to Rififi

One of the best comedy shows in New York City is retiring after a glorious four year run. I speak of course of Giant Tuesday Night Of Amazing Inventions And Also There Is A Game.

Good night, sweet princes (and princess) of comedy. We will take good care of your throne, which ever awaits your return.

(NOTE: That was a metaphor. There isn't really a throne waiting for you.)

If you'd like to learn more about the geniuses behind GTN, check out this Vidocity clip:

http://www.vidocity.com/player.asp?ID=95

While we at Drink At Work will miss the boys and girl(no "s") of GTN dearly, not least because those are some big shoes to fill (size Awesome and 1/2 US, in the UK, size Brilliant and 3/5), we are also honored to have their support and blessings as we take charge of the sexy, sexy Tuesday 8pm slot at Rififi. Oh, it's so damn sexy. I just wanna...take it out for a dinner made of boxed wine and trail mix and then get all up in its back room (if you know what I'm sayin') and make sweet but sour love to it.

Rififi, I love you, baby. Don't cry. GTN will be back someday. Just not...together. Oh baby! Don't cry! Please, baby. I love you. Don't cry. Ok, really, come on baby. Baby. BABY! Hey! Knock it off. Stop. Come on. Stop crying. Do it.

I said don't cry.

There. That wasn't so tough. You know I love you, baby, yeah? Awrrright. Yeeeeah. You and me and a box of wine makes three. Let's get it going on.

AND NOW ONTO LESS DISTURBING THINGS:
Our venue, until the end of December, remains the Ace of Clubs (on Great Jones @ Lafayette underneath ACME restaurant), which we will miss very much come January. The staff there has been nothing but supportive and loving to us. We thank them for the opportunity afforded us and will continue to work with them on one-offs, readings, and other special comedy shows throughout the years. Thank you, Bill, George, Paul, and Melody. We love you.

But now to the business of building for the future, our future, the Drinking At Work future: If you live in the NYC area, please come down to the new and improved Drink At Work Show, featuring the country's best mix of up-and-coming as well as established talent. Come, help us help you help us...help you.

Just help. Because starting in January, we're taking back the night, Tuesday night. Not that it was ever ours, but well, we used to be on Monday nights and that's not a good night for comedy, so we really feel like we're owed Tuesday. So we're taking it. Back. That night. We're taking it back.

Shut up.

STOP JUDGING US!

ahem.

And now to celebrate in a completely unrelated fashion, let's all watch the trailer for HALO WARS.