349 Panels Later, The Softball Game Is Over

With absolutely no judgement of--or ill will towards--the artist, this is how I imagined the last panel of today's Sally Forth strip.

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

Lesser-Known Transformers
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

The Last, Final, Concluding Summer Tuesdays Comedy Show Is Tonight!

All good things must come to an end, but only a fortunate few conclude on a career high note. Remember how after his first trilogy wrapped in 1983 George Lucas doffed his director's hat and never helmed another Star Wars movie ever again? Remember how after Thriller Michael Jackson silenced his microphone and never recorded another album ever again? Remember how after turning in his third-grade school report Bees: Bugs of the Sky Brett Easton Ellis capped his pen and never wrote another word ever again? These were people who said their farewells at the very top of their game, ensuring themselves an untarnished, impeccable legacy.

And so it is with the end of Drink at Work Presents Summer Tuesdays. Sure, the cynics among you may think that our award-meriting Tuesday summer comedy series is ending simply because this is, in fact, the last unofficial Tuesday of summer. But people like George, Michael and Brett know. They know. They understand it is better to leave the crowd chanting for more than calling for you to stop. And just like in the final, emotionally powerful scene of the very last Rocky film--Rocky--tonight's final Summer Tuesdays is going to pack a wallop that will linger in your minds for years, nay decades, to come. So be there and be prepared to be moved to convulsive laughter and sobbing.


Drink at Work Presents THE LAST SUMMER TUESDAYS SHOW
TONIGHT, August 29
(And Then No More!)
8:00 P.M.
Rififi
332 East 11th Street
FREE with one drink minimum

Host: Colette Hawley

Performing:
Chris Hardwick (LA)
Mike Phirman (LA)
Pat O'Shea
Nick Turner
Josh Comers
Alex Clarke
Rob Paravonian
and
Ted Alexandro

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Express Fish
By Sean Crespo

Full Article

DJ Carol Hartsell? Tonight?! Hell yeah! Come down to a very special episode of The Shark Show

Hey folks! Tonight, our buddy Jack Kukoda is guest hosting The Shark Show at Mo Pitkins and he asked yours truly to sit in the DJ booth. Not since the heady days of the mid to late 90s have I donned a disc jockey headset and forced my musical tastes on an unsuspecting public, so it's sure to be a treat. The only question is, which Neubaten album to play in full? I've got a few hours to decide. Right now I'm leaning towards Fuenf Auf der Nach Oben Offenen Richterskala, but we'll see where the day takes me.

On top of that, it's going to be a great show featuring some of our favorite comics, including:

Ophira Eisenberg
Dan Allen
John F. O'Donnell
Joe Mande

And naturally, young Mr. Kukoda performing all sorts of wacky characters in true Shark Show style.

So come on down to The Shark Show tonight at 7:45, and after that head over to The Pit to check out Fearsome's Dan Voyage show, wherein they say goodbye to founding member Dan Zalevsky, who is leaving New York for Phoenix. Boo!

The Shark Show
Tonight
7:45pm
Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction
39 Avenue A

Fearsome
Tonight
11:00pm
The Pit
154 W. 29th St.

Amidst a sea of oh so clever puns and metaphors, Office Pirates is cast away...nice one, huh?

Keith J. Kelly of The New York Post must have peed himself a little when writing the first paragraph of "This Pirate Flopped," breaking the news that Time Inc.'s fledgling humor Web site targeting young men had been given the ax by the corporate giant:

Officepirates.com, a new Time Inc. Web site, has hit a reef and sunk to the briny depths of Davey Jones' locker after only a seven-month voyage.

Nice one, Keith. The article goes on to explain that Time Inc. has decided to "put its money elsewhere" given the site's poorish performance. Lord knows it does cost a ton of booty — good one — to fund all that paper and ink and the 100-strong headcount of editorial and sales staff that it takes to run a humor site. Not to mention the millions that goes into PR and promotion. Oh, wait. You mean Office Pirates had a staff of about five? Sports Illustrated's sales staff was responsible for the business end of things? PR was by word of mouth not a real ad campaign? Web sites aren't even printed on paper? Hmm... Good thing Time Inc. pulled the plug before it was too late. Someone might have had to say no to a corporate card lunch at Cite.

On another note, what The Post callously neglected to mention is that the closing of Office Pirates also puts Drink at Work's very own Sean Crespo out of a job...again. Having enjoyed the sweet, sweet taste of freelance humor writing for the past five weeks, our comrade-at-arms looks forward to refamiliarizing himself with the wonderful world of juice delivery and filing.

You comedians...you must laugh all day long.

Yankee Pot Roast!Drink at Work!Bea Arthur!It All Happens Monday, August 28th!

That's right! This Monday, August 28th, Drink at Work is helping "Literary Malefactor" website Yankee Pot Roast with their first official public comedic reading/comedic performance/comedic drinking show!

Join us as Drink at Work's own Carol Hartsell and Yankee Pot Roast's own Geoff Wolinetz host an evening of urbane, cultivated literary hilarity not seen since an inebriated Robert Benchley told an inebriated George S. Kaufman to go blow an inebriated Robert Sherwood, all to the delight of an inebriated Dorothy Parker (face it, people were just far more sophisticated in the Roaring Twenties).

Scheduled to read/perform:
* Dennis DiClaudio, author of The Hypochondriac’s Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have
* Todd Zuniga of Opium Magazine
* Dale Dobson of Yankee Pot Roast and Cracked
* Wayne Gladstone of Yankee Pot Roast and McSweeney's
* Sean Crespo of National Lampoon, Cracked and Drink at Work
* Francesco Marciuliano of Drink at Work, Medium Large and Sally Forth
* Nick Jezarian of Yankee Pot Roast and Cracked

And the brilliant and deservedly acclaimed sketch comedy of Elephant Larry!

Plus, Yankee Pot Roast will be selling their brand new, Che Guevara-inspired "Bea Arthur T-shirts"! That's right! The revolution is starting all over again, and this time it will be mildly acerbic, steeped in musical theater and play well with the over-60 demographic.

So come on down and celebrate if not the very fine art of the comedic essay then that uproarious episode of Maude in which Bea Arthur experienced menopause. her husband Walter had a nervous breakdown after coming to grips with alcoholism and their maid Florida lost her husband James for the first time.

The Yankee Pot Roast/Drink at Work Reading
Monday, August 28th
7:00 P.M.
Ace of Clubs
(Below ACME)
9 Great Jones Street
(Between Broadway and Lafayette)
$5

Public Overhearsions™

Sidewalk, in front of pet store:

Man #1: Let's get a puppy!

Man#2: We're not getting a puppy.

Man #1: Why not?

Man#2: You don't even like pets.

Man #1: What?! Of course I do!

Man#2: You killed the last two we had.

Man #1: But I'm learning.

We'll Miss You, Planet Pluto

Well, it's official--Pluto is no longer a planet. Yes, that tiny object in the sky that tried so, so hard but just couldn't do it has now been cut off from the our solar system, left to fend for itself in the cold, deep, dark reaches of space.

So for you, former ninth planet and inspiration behind the non-speaking of the Walt Disney dogs, we play the following in your honor. Good luck and Godspeed, li'l fella...

My Way--Frank Sinatra

John Mark Karr: The Interrogation Transcript

Police Interrogator: So, you freely admit to killing JonBenet Ramsey in December, 1996.

Karr: Yes, sir. That is correct.

Police Interrogator: And that you confessed to a Thai police officer you had some form of "sex" with the girl?

Karr: That's right. And her little sister. Then I strangled them both.

Pause

Police Interrogator: Uh...JonBenet didn't have a little sister.

Karr: Oh, I meant Elizabeth Smart. I murdered her but good.

Police Interrogator: Elizabeth is alive and well and back with her parents.

Pause

Karr: I masterminded 9/11.

Police Interrogator: What?

Karr: By the way, I still have the Lindbergh baby. 76-years-old. Cute as a button.

Police Interrogator (To Partner): I can't believe this the crowning achievement of the Boulder Police Department.

Karr: Can I have a peek at your "cold case" file? I may be able to help you wrap up most of those.

What Are You Doing This Thursday,Portland, Maine?

Drink at Work's own very talented Corey Pandolph (he of the comic strip Barkeater Lake) will be performing his original monologue this Thursday, August 24th, at Portland's Monologues & Madness II show.

So stop by, hear the funny, support a good cause, buy Corey a beer or just sit back and enjoy as he desperately tries to hit you up for one. He may even dance for a pint. And not just some two-step here. We're talking full-blown Michael Kidd-choreography topped off with a double-back flip and blood-curdling scream as he lands back-first on someone's dog. All for a stinking Boddingtons. Should be a blast!

Monologues & Madness II
Featuring Corey Pandolph!
Thursday, August 24
St. Lawrence Arts Center
76 Congress Street, Portland, Maine
7:30 P.M.
$10 Donation

History that Happened: Eli Whitney

Check out this funny, well-produced short directed by Dustin D'Addato and starring Chris O'Connor of Fearsome.

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

The Art of "Art of" Articles
By Sean Crespo

Full Article

Summer Tuesdays Show Tonight!

Drink at Work Presents SUMMER TUESDAYS
TONIGHT, August 22
(And Every Tuesday through August!)
8:00 P.M.
Rififi
332 East 11th Street
FREE with one drink minimum

Host: Andres du Bouchet

Performing:
Dan Bialek (LA)
Nate Bargatze
Nick Cobb
Myka Fox
Benari Poulten
Eliza Faria Santos
and sketch group Lolabrigada

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

What the Birds in the Park Think of Us
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

The Drink at Work ShowMonday, August 21st!

DRINK AT WORK SHOW
Monday, August 21st
8:00 P.M.
Ace of Clubs
(Below ACME)
9 Great Jones Street
(Between Broadway and Lafayette)
$5

Featuring:
Tony Sam (Chicago)
Dan Bialek (LA)
Elon James White
Ophira Eisenberg
Jon Lang
Jon Fisch
MEAT
The Maestro
Sean Crespo

Musical Guest:
Cousin Hubie

Hosted by:
Carol Hartsell

Jesse Popp Doesn't Need a Bat House

Jesse Popp is a Drink at Work pal and a great comic to boot. He did a set at Rififi the other night and we happened to get a good tape of it. Here's a clip:

Carol Hartsell Is Only a Man

"I also wrote, 'Pesto is the Quiche of the Eighties...'"
By Carol Hartsell

Full Article

"A Drink with Your Coworkers"15,000 Views and Counting

Hear what secret office alcoholics everywhere are saying about the Drink at Work short "A Drink with Your Coworkers":

"That guy...that guy...that guy totally reminds me of a guy I saw at a bar once while I was trying to pee quietly into a fern...They got rules against doing certain things at bars. And not just smoking!...Fuckin' Nazi hippies..."--Steve

"You know what I would do if I were to make a short film?...Well?...DO YOU?!?...I'd...I'd stop the war...That's what I'd do...I'd stop the war and I'd get my wife back...My wife...Oh God, Jessica..."--Tim

"This...this is a real beautiful film...It really is...A really beautiful...film. I'm just saying...No, no, it's...it's okay...You keep talking to your friends. Didn't mean to interrupt...Didn't mean anything by it...You guys just keep talking amongst yourselves. Have a good night, ladies. Have a really good night...Oh, hey...hey...any of you guys like caramel? 'Cause I totally got some..."--Howie

"You...You...You...I wanna tell you somethin'...I wanna tell you somethin'...Aww, c'mon! Why you gotta be that way? Huh?...Why you gotta be that way?...Huh?...Why you gotta be that way? Huh? Why?...Why?...Why?"--Gerald

"I'm good...I'm good. Just gonna sit here...I'm good..."--Warren

Breaking News: My Fortune Cookie

I just opened my fortune cookie (courtesy of a Singapore rice noodle purchase) to find the following message inside:

As far as I can discern from the above communiqué, I'm either the center of the universe and the focal point of all creation or I'm about to be assassinated through my living room window. Neither conclusion really seems to jibe with my status of a fair-to-middling unknown cartoonist but rather than simply assume there was a slip-up with the paper cutter at Fortunes LLC, I'm going to build a fort out of sofa cushions for protection and quietly try to will planets to revolve backwards. Oh, and I'm playing those numbers.

See you tomorrow when I'm either God or dead.

The Wal-Mart Employee Voter Guide

In response to recent criticisms by Democratic candidates, Wal-Mart has sent out 18,000 "voter guides" to its Iowa employees to inform and mobilize their workforce prior to the November elections.

We at Drink at Work.com recently came in possession of one such employee guide. Here are some of its more pertinent points:

*When someone attacks this company they are attacking you. After all, Wal-Mart is like one, big happy family and you are the Guatemalan housekeeper we occasionally take with us on vacation.

*The Democrats once ran a Jew for Vice-President. Another time they ran a woman. What's next, a homicidal cyborg? We're just saying.

*While it's true that we allow unions in our German stores but not in our American locations, please keep in mind that other nations are not blessed by God and so their people need a little more help.

*Despite what the Democrats may say, we at Wal-Mart are all about racial diversity. Hence the Sanford and Son DVDs in our video section.

*Our enemies like to mention that we don't provide health insurance to 56% of our employees. Well, Costco doesn't give out gold dubloons to 100% of their employees. Point is, you can make anything sound bad with a noun, a percentage and the word "don't."

*Whenever you have any doubts on how to vote just ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" (Answer: He would vote no on mandatory payroll expenditures for employee benefits).

*If a friend or neighbor criticizes our company, respond by highlighting all the good Wal-Mart does. For example, should someone say "Wal-Mart drives down wages in urban areas" just retort "You know what else they drove down? The price on Bubblicious."

*The only reason we hide the cameras and monitoring devices in the breakroom is because of Feng Shui."

*Everyday low prices on Crystal Light for kid's lemonade stands and Econo-size savings on Cheetos for church potluck dinners are just two of the many charitable contributions Wal-Mart makes to its communities."

*We at Wal-Mart can't tell you who to vote for on Election Day. Consequently, you can't tell us who to keep on our payroll come November 8th. It's called checks and balances and it's what makes our nation so great."

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

Leftovers #3
By Sean Crespo

Full Article

Corey Pandolph's Discouraging Word

I Quit. Sincerely, John Q. Public
Corey Pandolph

Full Article

Summer Tuesdays Show Tonight!

Drink at Work Presents SUMMER TUESDAYS
TONIGHT, August 15
(And Every Tuesday through August!)
8:00 P.M.
Rififi
332 East 11th Street
FREE with one drink minimum

Host: Patrick Borelli

Performing:
Dustin D'Addato
Harry Terjanian
Brad Steuernagel
Matt McCarthy
Sean Crespo
and more!

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

The Editorials of Mallard Fillmore, Right-Wing Reporter
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

Diary of a Superhero

Monday
Tried to thump a melon for freshness in the market. Shattered a casaba. Proceeded to do same with grapefruit, tomato, bag of Fritos and three pounds of pork tenderloins. Mind clearly elsewhere. Apologized to store manger only to hear "It's you, isn't it? It's really you!" Shoppers began to crowd. Only then did I realize that in haste to complete errands I left the apartment without my fake eyeglasses. By evening news everyone knew that I shop at the Food Emporium on 82nd and Third. Momentarily considered reversing Earth's rotation to erase incident but I've done that so often lately I'm not even sure what month it is anymore.


Tuesday
When coworker asked where I went to lunch today I accidentally blurted out "Istanbul." She laughed it off as a joke despite numerous Turkish-labeled food items on my desk (for newspaper reporters, no one here is particularly perceptive). Then went to make duplicates of some old columns. Woke up two hours later in copy room, drooling and unable to lift my limbs. Great, I can be felled by Xerox machines. This on top of Kryptonite, red sunrays and certain dairy products (plus I've had noticeable difficulty digesting raw vegetables recently).

Coworkers gathered after work at Pig and Whistle for drinks. Really wanted to go but what's-his-face, the guy with the name I can never pronounce, was holding City Hall hostage again, so I begged off.

No wonder I don't have any friends at work.


Wednesday
Got up this morning to find crocus dead on bedroom windowsill. Initial autopsy revealed complete neglect played a role. Tried to revive plant through touch but then remembered, I’m not E.T.

Later usual dry cleaner commented I wear my "Halloween costume" a little more than what would be considered seemly, especially since it's only August. Tried to convince him it's for a community theater production but he made what I could only assume was a derisive comment in Korean.

Mental note: Ignore his cries for help next time.


Thursday
Late for work again due to early morning scuffle with "The Glock," who proved to be nothing more than a recently laid-off publishing executive with a German pistol and issues. Bullets bounced off chest with ease but still have severe migraine from those that ricocheted off head. Editor-in-Chief chewed me out for tardiness and reassigned me to paper’s “Home and Garden” section, thereby defeating whole point of reporter job since few crimes occur at Macy's “Flower Extravaganza.”

Returned to desk. No voice mail from commissioner. No late-breaking calamities on the news. Just a YouTube link forwarded from another reporter to everyone on staff (I really don’t get the popularity of “Brookers”).


Friday
Investigative feature on "Aggressive Milkweeds" interrupted by appearance of "The Perennial," a master villain who attacks Botanical Gardens once a year if conditions are right. Turned out he's retired, currently living in Boca and looking for a partner to help run his bait shop. Handed editor my resignation and left city just ahead of fireball attack by Green Goblin, who really isn't under my jurisdiction anyway.

The Real Gezelter Speaks!

Find out what he thinks about having to live next to the Forths here.

On the whole, he's quite troubled by the idea (especially since I somehow managed to misspell his surname in an earlier strip, despite a 20-year friendship).

Office Overhearsions™

At a staff meeting:

Coworker #1: I really think making the switch to PC from Mac in Graphics is the way to go. I mean, does anyone even use a Mac anymore?

Coworker #2: I heard Apple is going out of business anyway.

Courtesy of Corey

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

No, Mom, That's Not Me on Psych
By Sean Crespo

Full Article

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

The Blog Posts of B.C. Cartoonist Johnny Hart
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

The Drink at Work Show Tonight!!

Come for the great comedy and incredible music! Stay for the hardcore sex and gang shoot-out!

DRINK AT WORK SHOW
TONIGHT! August 7th
8:00 P.M.
Ace of Clubs
(Below ACME)
9 Great Jones Street
(Between Broadway and Lafayette)
$5

Featuring:
Schaeffer the Darklord
Anthony Devito
Sean O'Connor
Allison Castillo
Amanda Melson
Liam McEneaney
Lucas Held
Sean Crespo

Musical Guest:
Lonesome Jack

Hosted by:
Carol Hartsell

Birthday Call: The Short Film

On the occasion of my birthday and final lap of my thirties (whee) please enjoy the great short film Birthday Call, featuring Carol's brothers Chuck and Chris (with Chance behind the camera). The short was later screened at film festivals and became the basis for Chuck and Chance's full-length horror/comedy film Hide and Creep.

The Drink at Work ShowMonday, August 7th!

THE DRINK AT WORK SHOW
Monday, August 7th
8:00 P.M.
Ace of Clubs
(Below ACME)
9 Great Jones Street
(Between Broadway and Lafayette)
$5

Featuring:
Schaeffer the Darklord
Anthony Devito
Sean O'Connor
Allison Castillo
Amanda Melson
Liam McEneaney
Sean Crespo

Musical Guest:
Lonesome Jack

Hosted by:
Carol Hartsell

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

Left Overs #1
By Sean Crespo

Full Article

Tom Shillue's One Man Show TONIGHT!

Comedy has its trends like any other art form. Mainstream comedy is currently dominated by a virulent strain of bravado that covers the entire comedy spectrum, from ethnic (Carlos Mencia) to Bostonian (Dane Cook). Alternative comedy is the haven of fairly traditional one-liner humor made new by awkward aloofness, social anxiety and a certain blowjob deficiency. I'm not saying I don't like either of these, I'm just saying they don't exactly give me the happy days as a comedy fan anymore.

What I really love is a comic who can tell a story. It's so simple and traditional, but those who do it well make it their own and thus, make it new. Tom Shillue is the unsung hero of comedy storytelling, and in tonight's one man show at Ars Nova you'll get to see why:

Ars Nova presents
Tom Shillue: It's All About The Story
Friday, August 04, 2006
8:00pm
$5

Ars Nova Theater
511 West 54th Street
New York, NY 10019
(between 10th and 11th Avenues)

In an evening of sensational storytelling, Tom Shillue, the comedian The New York Times dubbed "inspired and subversive," hilariously recounts some of the autobiographical tales that have turned him into an absolute cult sensation. Whether telling stories about his light-saber obsessed youth, mulling over the Constitution's sex appeal, or, most importantly, imparting the dangers of freezy headaches, Shillue's acerbit wit is wtihout a doubt not to be missed.

Buy tickets online:
http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?showcode=ITS0

Corey Pandolph's Discouraging Word

Self-Confidence Builders and Breaker-down..uh..ers
Corey Pandolph

Full Article

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

Forgotten Sid & Marty Krofft Shows
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

Summer Tuesdays Show Tonight!

Drink at Work Presents SUMMER TUESDAYS
TONIGHT, August 1 (And Every Tuesday through August!)
8:00 P.M.
Rififi
332 East 11th Street
Free with one drink minimum

Host: Jesse Joyce

Performing:
Joe Powers
Sasha Guillaume
Caitie Lazarus
Scott Rogowsky
Dan Goodman
And more!