Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

ABOVE:
This is what my father accused me of leaving in his house.
The little guy must have been hiding in my backpack.
Clever. But then, he is a demon after all.

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Go See Lolita Bras Tonight at Galapagos!

Lolita Bras TONIGHT!

Galapagos Art Space
April 27 @ 10:30p
Brooklyn, NY
Dialogue Dance Collective fundraising event

You will rock!

This Is Why People Have iPods

Ladies and gentlemen, the theme song to Hawaii Five-O...with lyrics...as sung by Sammy Davis Jr.:

You Can Count on Me (Hawaii Five-O)

Courtesy of the great and truly essential Bubblegum Machine.

Nick Jezarian's Tangential Stupidity

An Interview with Matt Tobey
Nick Jezarian

"Congratulations on having sex with your wife at least once."

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Corey Pandolph's Discouraging Word

Short Story, Part III
Corey Pandolph

Gordon merged to pull over. “Everyone just remain calm and remember your training. Everything will be just fine. Just remember your training, okay Nikki?”

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Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

Quotes from Godzilla's Own DVD Commentaries
Francesco Marciuliano

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This Week's Content is Coming I Swear!

Don't look at me! I'm busy...there's a reason we're three days behind on the main page and a freakin week behind on the photo blog. I have obligations, short film projects, freelance work, a day job...and I am sucking ass at ALL of them right now! Nevertheless, new content is forthcoming. (At least Ces is a professional and the Medium Large page has been spot on. Go Ces!) In the meantime, enjoy this...this is why I love Christian Finnegan:

The Bad Set Decoder Ring

Things to do tonight

Got a couple of good options for your Tuesday:

First, the very funny Jack Kukoda is hosting a benefit comedy show tonight to raise money for the James F. Keppel Scholarship fund. He's put together a great line-up at the swanky Slipper Room, so check out the show and after party.



And as always, tonight brings us another edition of Giant Tuesday Night at Rififi featuring some of the best comic actors in the city. We always recommend you check out this show...you never know what Francisco Guglioni and his friends have in store.



Finally, if you're staying in or have one of them new-fangled recording devices, tonight is the second episode of Munchies on Fuse (check local listings) which will feature two more clips from Sean Crespo and Matt Preskenis' award-winning "I Am Drugs" series.

Drink at Work.com Presents... Tonight!

DRINK AT WORK PRESENTS...
Monday, April 24th
8:00pm
Siberia
40th St. at 9th Ave (it's the black door under a red light)
FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opening Musical Act:
The Rob and Mark Show

Stand-Up:
Andres du Bouchet
Susan Prekel
Chris O'Connor
Rory Albanese
Sean Crespo

Closing Musical Act:
Eli James

PLUS:
"Conversations with Dad" as read by Mark Douglas, Rob Gorden and Ann Carr
and "A Quick Moment with Carol"

Hosted by Your Drink at Work.com Bartenders:
Carol Hartsell and Francesco Marciuliano

Carol Hartsell Is Only a Man

I Got Two Trust Funds and a Microphone
Carol Hartsell

Do you know what an ice cream cone with Butter Becan, Black Walnut and Pralines 'n Cream tastes like? It tastes like privilege.

Full Article

Science and the English Major

Special thanks to science/culture publication Seed Magazine--and contributor/physicist Chad Orzel in partucular--for giving Medium Large a shout-out in their Daily Zeitgeist (wow, how many links can one cram into a single sentence?). Such a nod may give this B.A. grad just enough confidence to once more open his mouth in front of all his botanist, chemist, medical doctor and computer scientist friends...maybe...

And as for Seed Magazine, they seem to be earning their fair share of shout-outs:

"My hands-down favorite science magazine"--BoingBoing

"If I could pick one magazine that defines the cultural zeitgeist, it would be Seed"--MediaPost

"An excellent new science magazine"--The Washington Post

"Get ready to meet the creative labs and minds that, for better or worse, now hold the power to reshape the economy, culture and life itself"--Utne

This Is the Actual Front Page of Today's NY Post

Of course, it was either this or "Wonton Behavior."

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

Retired Girl Scouts Ask Troop Leader to Resign
Sean Crespo

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Complete Fabrications from My Upcoming Memoir "Ces: That's Not How It's Pronounced"

"People are always saying, 'Michael Nesmith's mom invented Liquid Paper.' But no one ever asks, 'Who invented Michael Nesmith's mom?' Let me tell you how I did it..."

"When the first draft of A Brief History of Time arrived it was 1385 pages. I had to make some tough edits. Removed an entire subplot about a magical amulet and 'Robbits.' Stevie was mortified but I think the sales speak for themselves."

"When I can't sleep I rescue people. Usually from burning buildings. Sometimes from awkward conversations."

"I never saw myself as the 'marrying' type. For starters, I was already dead a good ten years before I met Carol."

"But my second-grade teacher just threw my history report right back at me, saying, 'China will never be a geoeconomic powerhouse.'"

"The next morning I awoke in a bathtub of ice with two fresh surgical scars and a note on the floor that read, 'We took your breasts.'"

"When I first pitched Blues Clues I envisioned it in black and white with heavy shadows, a hardboiled narration, double-crossing dames, lost souls rotting in every alleyway and cheap cigarettes dangling from every lip. Blue was suppose to die at the end. Steve was suppose to shoot him."

"I'm an old-school kind of guy. I almost never cry. But when I do the tears make enough gold to pay all our bills."

"Quang Tri, 1972. I was up to my ears in the shit and out of my mind with fear. The water, the trees, the air. None of it seemed real to me anymore. And as the bullets screamed across the swamp, the blood-curdling cries of my unit filled the sky and hope was choked out of all of us with our every short, hollow breath one thought kept coming back to me again and again and again--'For the love of God, I'm only five years old!'"

"It seemed with each day I was awakened by greater and greater acclaim for my writing in Sally Forth."

Nick Jezarian's Tangential Stupidity

Oh God, You Mean That Guy?
Nick Jezarian

"Seriously, what the fuck is so funny? You’re giggling like a pregnant school girl."

Full Article

Corey Pandolph's Discouraging Word

Short Story, Part II
Corey Pandolph

Someone let out a desperate “NO!” as everything hit the floor. Gordon realized, after several seconds, that the “someone” was him. Barry sat at the desk, wide-eyed and motionless. Gordon was frozen in fear and staring at Barry. “My God, man…. Where did you get that?”

Full Article

Giant Tuesday Night on Vidocity

Thanks to The Apiary I now know who that was taping at the Giant Tuesday Night Knock Knock show a couple of months ago. It's a new web television show called Vidocity, and they've put together a pretty great piece on the GTN crew. For those of you who have never seen the show, this is a great introduction. You should also know that several of the performers in this clip — Andres du Bouchet (aka Francisco Guglioni), Rob Gorden, Mark Douglas and Ann Carr — are featured in the next Drink at Work.com Presents this coming Monday (April 24th). So start next week off right and come to our show on Monday, then go to GTN the following night. You'll thank us.



Vidocity Feature on Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There is a Game

Two Things to Do Tonight

First, there's the greatest hits edition of Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There Is A Game at Rififi. Come on down and see why we keep saying this is the best show in NYC.



Second, if you aren't planning to be home by 11:00 set your TiVo, Replay or butler to tape the new show Munchies on Fuse (check your local listings). Our very own Sean Crespo and his co-writer Matt Preskenis have a few short films from their I Am Drugs series premiering on this show! Woohoo!

Drink at Work.com Presents... Monday, April 24th @ 8:00pm, FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DRINK AT WORK PRESENTS...
Monday, April 24th
8:00pm
Siberia
40th St. at 9th Ave (it's the black door under a red light)
FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opening Musical Act:
The Rob and Mark Show

Stand-Up:
Andres du Bouchet
Susan Prekel
Chris O'Connor
Rory Albanese
Sean Crespo

Closing Musical Act:
Eli James

PLUS:
"Conversations with Dad" as read by Mark Douglas, Rob Gorden and Ann Carr
and "A Quick Moment with Carol"

Hosted by Your Drink at Work.com Bartenders:
Carol Hartsell and Francesco Marciuliano

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

Quotes from Bad Bachelor Parties
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

How to Expain the Easter Bunny to Kids

"Imagine the largest bunny ever. I mean huge! Now imagine it breaking into your house late at night while you sleep..."

"He's sort of like Santa Claus only, you know, feral."

"If some Greek god could come down to earth as a swan then surely Our Lord in Heaven can show up as a freakin' rabbit."

"This is what all the rabbits who weren't massacred in Watership Down now do for a living."

"The great thing about the Easter Bunny is that if he doesn't bring you what you want, you can eat him."

"You know that rabbit the dogs chase at the track I bring you to on my designated weekends? Same guy."

"Why does the Easter Bunny always seem to hide the very eggs we painted the day before? Good question. Why don't we trap him and find out?"

"Actuallly, every animal has a job. And why the hell shouldn't they? I bust my hump every day to pay for this house so what gives them the right to live free on my lawn?!"

"Three days before Easter the bunny is killed. Then on Sunday he comes back to life...with a basket...and some marshmallow peeps...what I'm trying to say is that we are really lapsed Catholics..."

Carol Hartsell Is Only a Man

Excuse Me, Sir?
Carol Hartsell

The waiter never brought my water. I’m suddenly in a Kids in the Hall sketch. “And I never got my water…” The waiter looks as stressed as I feel. Every time a customer asks for something he gets this sad, “what now?” look on his face. I smile at him when I ask if I can have my water with the split pea soup I apparently ordered.

Full Article

All It's Missing Is a Communion Wafer

Ladies and gentlemen, the Easter Turducken...

That's a Cadbury egg, surrounded by peeps and stuffed into a chocolate bunny.

Complete recipe here. What you will experience immediately after ingesting one here.

Thank you, Drew!

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

Words Words Words
Sean Crespo

Shakespeare is credited by the Oxford English Dictionary with the introduction of nearly 3,000 words into the language.

FRANCISCO
Thou speakest the right, man.
I know not your Scrimulation, nor what
An Ellanthiptical morrow portends,
Nor why the sound a Tarmin emits is
Twin to the common forest owl. I’ fact,
If asked how one might Scrimulate
A Tarmin Ellanthiptic’lly, as lost
As Theseus sans Ariadne in
Minas’ labyrinth would be I. Wait. Hush.
Voila, they sound once more! Hoot Hoot!
O, those boist’rous Tarmins.

Full Article

Sci Fi Channel: Now with Carol's Brothers

That's right! On Thursday May 11, 7 P.M., Sci Fi Channel will broadcast the television premiere of Hide and Creep, the full-length film (and we mean actual film, not video) directed by Chance Shirley and Chuck Hartsell and starring Carol's brothers Chuck and Chris (along with a host of other very talented people).

Here's a brief synopsis:
In the sleepy town of Thorsby, Alabama, no one had a life. Then the dead showed up. Now instead of just killing time the people of Thorsby are killing each other, taking up arms as the zombies take to the streets, the barbecue joints and the strip bars. Soon spaceships are flying overhead, federal agents are patrolling the grounds and a few fearless individuals are joining forces to run like hell.

A story about the lives we forget to lead, the people we fail to bury properly and the scary-ass creatures we have to eliminate along the way, "Hide and Creep" is a celebration of those who rise to the occasion just when all hope and television reception seem lost. A zombie film with brains, a comedy with boobs, Hide and Creep puts us on the front lines of a backwater town in crisis, giving us a taste of a community starving for action and a murderous horde hungry for human flesh.

And if you're planning on helming your own independent feature, I strongly--strongly--urge you to read co-director Chance Shirley's online diary This Movie Ain't Gonna Shoot Itself, a 22-part insightful, informational and indispensable guide that covers everything from properly securing locations to field/production audio to somehow finding yourself at a film festival, free beer in hand (full article archives here).

So remember, kids:
Hide and Creep Television Premiere!
Sci Fi Channel
Thursday, May 11, 7 P.M. (EST)
Movie also available at Blockbusters, Hollywood Video and through Netflix

A Quick Moment With Carol

You know, some mornings I really do love my job. Just found this in the giveaway bin:



Get it? His name's Tom Huggler!

xoxo,
Carol

Corey Pandolph's Discouraging Word

If the Insensitive Jerk I Met at the Bar Were to Do Standup
Corey Pandolph

Full Article

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

Parental Standardized Aptitude Test
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

Let's Celebrate with Ces (and Rob and Mark)

Hiya, kids. Today is a big day. As you well know, Ces published his 500th Medium Large strip this morning and we at Drink at Work couldn't be prouder of him. (Well, Toby could stand to be prouder of him, but he's just bitter because we've never allowed him to run his Web comic Super-Palseyed Prom Date Prophets on this site.) To celebrate, we're heading down to the Parkside Lounge tonight to take in the exquisitely wonderful Rob and Mark Show. So if you don't have plans come on down, see the show, have a drink with us and toast the Medium Large man himself.

The Rob and Mark Show
April 7, 8pm
The Parkside Lounge
317 Houston St.
$5

And the Crowd Goes Mild

Well, today marks the 500th strip of Medium Large...about 400 more than first intended.

The strip was initially created back in 2003 as a syndicate submission but in a far different version--the main character spoke and had a name, most of the dialogue came from household appliances and the only thing my editor even remotely liked about it was Teenage Girl President. It was then drastically reconceived (read: mute character, no talking appliances and a lax attitude toward language) and posted on Drink at Work.com on April 19, 2004 with the full intention of it running weekly. But that day I received an email from our good friend Chance over at Crewless Films asking "So what do you have in store for tomorrow?" And so a daily grind was born.

Of course, the only reason this strip is celebrating its quinticentennial is because of its readers and its readers alone. Your tremendous support through your comments, emails and that one somewhat disquieting phone message have made doing "Medium Large" one of the happiest parts of my day. I thank you all.

As for the future of the strip, we plan to publish the first book collection this summer (the working title is I'm the Ghost of a Murdered Orphan but that...that probably won't be the case come print time). It will feature plenty of exclusive material, including 40 or so strips that won't ever appear on this site. If by some miracle we experience anything even remotely in double-digit sales maybe we'll release a second volume come Christmas.

Well, that about wraps up this celebration. Time to end it with what seems to be the only fitting way how--by listing a host of some truly terrific comics on the Web:

Barkeater Lake
Joe and Monkey
Wondermark!
Pirate and Alien
Nothing Nice to Say
Five Bucks to Friday
Lulu Eightball
Autumn Lake
Butterfly

Thanks again, everyone!
Ces

Sean Crespo Will Teach You Satire

Possible Titles for Books Written by College Sports Champion Coaches This Year
Sean Crespo

Grit, A Four-Letter Word: How Coach Barbari and the Sacramento College of the Arts’ Africanized Bees Bucked The Odds

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Diary of a Runaway Dog

Day One
Apparently I’ve run away from home.

Day Two
Can’t find way back. Will find “real America” instead.

Day Three
Dug a hole. Fell in.

Day Four
Made it with two dogs. Three of us tried to live off the land. Then sprinkler system turned on.

Day Five
Wandered into small town. Got bad looks from parents and storeowners. What’s gone wrong with this country?

Day Six
Ate a wild mushroom. Mind greatly expanded. No longer am I “man’s dog." Tore off collar and ran naked into street.

Day Seven
Dropped completely out of society. Joined roaming gang of discarded plastic bags.

Day Eight
It's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace.

Day Nine
Have come far in journey. Have made great strides, both geographically and spiritually. May not have found “real America” but have discovered a distant point—an unspoiled province—that I can truly call my own.

Day Ten
Fell in large hole someone dug.

Nick Jezarian's Tangential Stupidity

My Next Career Move
Nick Jezarian

This past Friday, I had an epiphany concerning my career. It occurred over drinks with some co-workers. If things don’t work out with my current job and I can’t ever scrape together a living peddling my writings, I have options...My area of expertise would be adult films.

Full Article

Corey Pandolph's Discouraging Word

Short Story, Part 1
Corey Pandolph

There were three bears left. Fisher carefully contemplated upon which one he wanted. After all, this was to be his Monday Bear.

Full Article

Tonight: Comedy and Music by some of our favorite people

Hey New Yorkers,

Two big shows tonight. First our good friend and fellow DAW columnist Sean Crespo, seen below gesticulating in a manly fashion, is doing a stand-up set at 8:00 at Lolita Bar (266 Broome St. off of Allen St.). Will he tell political jokes? Talk about his dad? Tell a story about his life that will make you feel 100% better about yours? Come on down and find out.



Next, only a couple of blocks away, Pela is kicking off their month-long Monday night residency at 9:00 at the Delancey (168 Delancey btw Clinton and Attorney). This will be one of your first opportunities to hear all of those new songs they've been working on for their upcoming album. If you've never seen them live, or even if you have, I highly suggest you get your ass there. These guys don't mess around...the Delancey will be lucky to still be standing once their set is over.



Let's rock.

Francesco Marciuliano's Eye Opener

Artichokes and Facial Lacerations: Grandma Visits
Francesco Marciuliano

Full Article

Drink at Work.com Presents...PodCast of the March 27 show

Hey guys, check the new PodCast page and let me know if the links work for you. I do not as of yet have these uploaded in WMA format, but I will. But it would be great to get feedback from those of you who have iTunes and/or QuickTime. This is the first PodCast I've done and I've been holed up working on it for three days. Let me know if it works for you. The files are huge so be patient with them. Thanks and enjoy!

Drink at Work.com Presents...