Bionic Frog: The Wikipedia Entry

Francesco and his childhood friend James--inspired by the then Sunday night one-two TV punch that was Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and The Six Million Dollar Man--attempted to make the world's first bionic frog in 1975, with predictable results.

History_______________________________________________________
The experiment was merely one of a long line of scientific miscalculations and flawed reasonings for the imaginative (though not particulary informed) partnership, which had previously met with no success on such endeavors as the homemade personal helicopter (plank of wood, two plastic air compressors from parents' aquarium), electric portable cooler (lunchbox, aluminum foil, unattached batteries), superpower juice (crushed wild berries from backyard woods, repetitive vomiting) and robot sidekick (overturned wastebasket, extension cord).

Experiment___________________________________________________
The Bioinic Frog Project--initiated, supervised and performed by James with Francesco occasionally interjecting "But wait..."--began on a less than auspicious note. Using a steak knife, the spring from a Bic ballpoint pen and a piece of yarn, James began operating on the frog's right hind leg near the neighborhood pond, only to accidentally and immediately sever the muscle. James then unintentionally tore the leg's skin wide open while trying to insert the not-so-coiled spring, resulting in both an exceedingly hyperextended limb and a less than lucid amphibian.

Unable to stitch the leg back up because neither he nor Francesco knew how to sew nor remembered to bring a sewing needle, James instead applied copious duct tape to the now "improved" body part, believing such would be long-lasting as well as provide good protection from the rain. Francesco, meanwhile, abstained from the surgical procedure, both because he had misgivings from the very moment his friend first united the words "frog" and "bionic" and because he came from a long line of less-than-hearty souls (including a little brother who was once deathly afraid of both the vacuum cleaner and the opening credits to Land of the Lost and a father who had tripped over a park bench while running away from a butterfly).

Results_______________________________________________________
The patient, alas, was released after the one poorly installed bionic feature. He then proceeded to jump at angles often at 90 degrees variance from his intended direction, until he eventually made his way back to the pond...from which he never resurfaced.

Partnership___________________________________________________
The scientific partnership dissolved shortly thereafter, only to reappear as the 70's hard rock duo Coach and then again as a writing partnership for the unfilmed screenplay Universal, about a Battlestar Galactica-like ship going up against a Star Wars-like menace.

External links__________________________________________________
Opening Credits to The Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman
Remarkably Unfortunate Outtake from 70's kids show The New Zoo Review featuring Freddy the Frog
The All-True Story of a Band Called Coach Part One and Part Two