Conversations with Dad 10: The Gift
The following is based on an actual conversation with my father, Frank Marciuliano, during a visit to my parents' home this past June.
Scene: Kitchen
Dad: Oh, Ces, I want to show you something.
Ces: Sure, Dad. Let me just finish talking to...
Dad: But I want to show it to you now.
Ces: Okay, but just let me finish...
Dad: If I don't do it now, Ces, I'm just gonna forget what it is.
Ces: Umm...okay. What is it?
Dad: I got something for you!
Ces: You didn't have to get me anything, Dad.
Dad: I know I didn't have to get you anything. I wanted to get you something.
Ces: Well, that's very nice of you.
Dad: Now what is it?
Pause.
Ces: Are...are you asking me what it is?
Dad: No, I forgot...See, this is why you shouldn't have interrupted me earlier!
Ces: But...but you interrupted...
Dad: Oh, now I remember! Follow me.
Ces: Okay...
Ces and Dad start walking down hallway toward Dad's home office.
Dad: So are you still doing that stupid vegetarian thing?
Ces: I never was a vegetarian.
Dad: But isn't Carol a vegetarian?
Ces: Yeah.
Dad: Then I don't understand.
Ces: Neither do I.
They stop at a seven-and-a-half-foot tall potted plant.
Dad: Here we go.
Ces: You're...you're giving me a giant plant?
Dad: You want to take our plant?
Ces: What? No, I...
Dad: This plant's been in the house since Cello was born.
Ces: I...I mean...is this the gift?
Dad: What gift?
Pause.
Dad: Oh, no, no, no. What are you going to do with a plant? I just need you to help me move it to where your mother said.
Ces: Oh, okay. I just thought we were going to...
Dad: If we don't do it now then I'll forget and then I'll have to hear your goddamn mother bitch about it all night. You know, Ces, sometimes I just don't understand how one person can be so fucking...
Ces: Dad? Why don't we just move the plant?
Dad: My back is killing me.
Pause.
Ces: I can move it myself if that will help.
Dad: Thank you. But be careful. Don't break any of the leaves against the wall.
Ces: Sure.
Ces bends down at knees to pick up the plant.
Ces: Uh, Dad?
Dad: Yeah?
Ces: Where am I moving the plant to?
Pause.
Dad: Isilda! Where do you want me to move the plant?!
Pause.
Dad: ISILDA! WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO MOVE THE PLANT?!?
Pause.
Dad: ISIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Ces: Dad! She's downstairs! She can't hear you!
Dad: What are you talking about? The basement door is wide open! Even though the air conditioner is on!
Ces: But she's deaf in one ear.
Dad sighs.
Dad: And she says I never pay attention. You know what? Fuck the plant. She wants it moved then she'll tell me where to move it. You want lunch?
Dad starts heading back to kitchen.
Ces: Uh, Dad?
Dad: Yeah?...Oh, right! The thing!...Your damn mother...
Ces and Dad enter Dad's home office.
Dad: Okay, where did I put it?
Dad starts rummaging through piles of paper on desk.
Dad: Where did I fucking put it?...I don't know what's wrong with me lately, Ces. I keep forgetting things.
Ces: It's probably just stress, Dad. You know, finances, teaching...
Dad turns to Ces with a very serious expression.
Dad: You don't think it's cancer, do you?
Ces: Uh, I don't think that's how cancer works. It's not like Alzheimer's...
Dad: You think I might have Alzheimer's Disease?!?
Ces: Would you rather have cancer?!?
Dad: I don't want either!
Ces: You don't have either!
Dad sighs.
Dad: How am I suppose to concentrate on anything with your goddamn mother going on and...Oh, wait. Maybe it's in this pile...
Dad rummages through pile of envelopes.
Dad: By the way, I got two gifts, one for you and one for your brother. It's the same thing so neither one of you would feel slighted.
Ces: Well, that's very...
Dad: Because God knows the last thing I need is for you two to bitch to me that I'm never fair to you guys.
Ces: Okay then.
Dad pulls out a 9x11 manilla envelope.
Dad: Here we go! Now promise me you'll take care of this.
Ces: Uh...
Dad: You're not gonna break it or lose it like you did with all your toys, right?
Ces: Wait, when did I ever...
Dad: Because I got this especially for you.
Ces: And Cello.
Dad: And Cello.
Dad: You promise you'll take care of it?
Ces: Dad...
Dad hands Ces the envelope.
Dad: Enjoy!
Ces: Thank you...
Ces opens the envelope and takes out the gift.
Ces: It...it is...with an American flag frame...
Dad: I couldn't find an Italian flag frame.
Ces: Makes sense...
Dad: See, Carol has all those pictures of her family in your apartment...
Ces: She has two in our apartment, Dad. Of her neices...
Dad: And you don't have any.
Ces: I've got a couple pictures of Cello.
Dad: And now you have me!
Ces: And now I have you.
Previously on "Conversations with Dad":
Number Nine: The Dentist
Scene: Kitchen
Dad: Oh, Ces, I want to show you something.
Ces: Sure, Dad. Let me just finish talking to...
Dad: But I want to show it to you now.
Ces: Okay, but just let me finish...
Dad: If I don't do it now, Ces, I'm just gonna forget what it is.
Ces: Umm...okay. What is it?
Dad: I got something for you!
Ces: You didn't have to get me anything, Dad.
Dad: I know I didn't have to get you anything. I wanted to get you something.
Ces: Well, that's very nice of you.
Dad: Now what is it?
Pause.
Ces: Are...are you asking me what it is?
Dad: No, I forgot...See, this is why you shouldn't have interrupted me earlier!
Ces: But...but you interrupted...
Dad: Oh, now I remember! Follow me.
Ces: Okay...
Ces and Dad start walking down hallway toward Dad's home office.
Dad: So are you still doing that stupid vegetarian thing?
Ces: I never was a vegetarian.
Dad: But isn't Carol a vegetarian?
Ces: Yeah.
Dad: Then I don't understand.
Ces: Neither do I.
They stop at a seven-and-a-half-foot tall potted plant.
Dad: Here we go.
Ces: You're...you're giving me a giant plant?
Dad: You want to take our plant?
Ces: What? No, I...
Dad: This plant's been in the house since Cello was born.
Ces: I...I mean...is this the gift?
Dad: What gift?
Pause.
Dad: Oh, no, no, no. What are you going to do with a plant? I just need you to help me move it to where your mother said.
Ces: Oh, okay. I just thought we were going to...
Dad: If we don't do it now then I'll forget and then I'll have to hear your goddamn mother bitch about it all night. You know, Ces, sometimes I just don't understand how one person can be so fucking...
Ces: Dad? Why don't we just move the plant?
Dad: My back is killing me.
Pause.
Ces: I can move it myself if that will help.
Dad: Thank you. But be careful. Don't break any of the leaves against the wall.
Ces: Sure.
Ces bends down at knees to pick up the plant.
Ces: Uh, Dad?
Dad: Yeah?
Ces: Where am I moving the plant to?
Pause.
Dad: Isilda! Where do you want me to move the plant?!
Pause.
Dad: ISILDA! WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO MOVE THE PLANT?!?
Pause.
Dad: ISIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Ces: Dad! She's downstairs! She can't hear you!
Dad: What are you talking about? The basement door is wide open! Even though the air conditioner is on!
Ces: But she's deaf in one ear.
Dad sighs.
Dad: And she says I never pay attention. You know what? Fuck the plant. She wants it moved then she'll tell me where to move it. You want lunch?
Dad starts heading back to kitchen.
Ces: Uh, Dad?
Dad: Yeah?...Oh, right! The thing!...Your damn mother...
Ces and Dad enter Dad's home office.
Dad: Okay, where did I put it?
Dad starts rummaging through piles of paper on desk.
Dad: Where did I fucking put it?...I don't know what's wrong with me lately, Ces. I keep forgetting things.
Ces: It's probably just stress, Dad. You know, finances, teaching...
Dad turns to Ces with a very serious expression.
Dad: You don't think it's cancer, do you?
Ces: Uh, I don't think that's how cancer works. It's not like Alzheimer's...
Dad: You think I might have Alzheimer's Disease?!?
Ces: Would you rather have cancer?!?
Dad: I don't want either!
Ces: You don't have either!
Dad sighs.
Dad: How am I suppose to concentrate on anything with your goddamn mother going on and...Oh, wait. Maybe it's in this pile...
Dad rummages through pile of envelopes.
Dad: By the way, I got two gifts, one for you and one for your brother. It's the same thing so neither one of you would feel slighted.
Ces: Well, that's very...
Dad: Because God knows the last thing I need is for you two to bitch to me that I'm never fair to you guys.
Ces: Okay then.
Dad pulls out a 9x11 manilla envelope.
Dad: Here we go! Now promise me you'll take care of this.
Ces: Uh...
Dad: You're not gonna break it or lose it like you did with all your toys, right?
Ces: Wait, when did I ever...
Dad: Because I got this especially for you.
Ces: And Cello.
Dad: And Cello.
Dad: You promise you'll take care of it?
Ces: Dad...
Dad hands Ces the envelope.
Dad: Enjoy!
Ces: Thank you...
Ces opens the envelope and takes out the gift.
Ces: It...it is...with an American flag frame...
Dad: I couldn't find an Italian flag frame.
Ces: Makes sense...
Dad: See, Carol has all those pictures of her family in your apartment...
Ces: She has two in our apartment, Dad. Of her neices...
Dad: And you don't have any.
Ces: I've got a couple pictures of Cello.
Dad: And now you have me!
Ces: And now I have you.
Previously on "Conversations with Dad":
Number Nine: The Dentist
posted by Francesco Marciuliano at 5:01 PM
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4 Comments:
I can't believe it's been almost year since there was one of these. So awesome.
jf
just spilt coffee everywhere whilst laughing at that.
Wow. Now I know what to get my girlfriend for our anniversary.
Was Perry Farrell looming in the background?
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