Quotes from President Bush's Surprise Visit to Iraq

"I'm just here to show my support for the victims of tropical storm Alberto."

"I'm impressed by the the new Iraqi government. It's assembled people of different religions, different histories, different traditions, all together. That's not exactly how we do it in the U.S. government..."

"To anyone who might question how a 'surprise visit' could be so well choreographed for the media, let me just say this--turn in your press pass. Now."

"Of course we have a long road ahead of us. After all, Rome wasn't exactly built in a day. Now I hope that puts to rest any rumors of U.S. empire-building."

"The last time I visited Iraq was for Thanksgiving in 2003. But apparently this country celebrates it on a different day than we do."

"What happens in Baghdad stays in Baghdad. Seriously. I want a single shared camera for the press pool and a 45-minute broadcast delay on all news coverage."

"Now that Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki has filled the final positions in his government I believe we have enough support to finally overturn Roe v. Wade."

"When you're dealing with issues of enormous consequence, the security of our country, the security of the Middle East and the world, stopping by for five hours ought to do the trick."

"The great thing about al-Maliki...hey, can I call you 'Al'? You know, 'You can be my bodyguard...' Doesn't ring a bell? Don't worry. We'll get our music here soon enough."

"Which naturally brings up the subject of creationism, the sancity of marriage and strong family values..."

"Wait, I thought we wrapped up this whole mission back in 2003."