Howard Graham Buffett's Reaction Upon Hearing His Dad Warren Give Away Most of the Family Fortune: A Transcript

* "Look, sweetie! Grandpa's on TV!"

* "Wait, rewind that."

* "What the hell do you mean he's not taking any calls right now?! I'm his son!...No, the other one!...That's his caddy!"

* "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! Our house! Our helipad!...The gryphon!"

* "Of course I don't know what I'm doing! But do you know how much it costs to have a fresco refurbished professionally?!?"

* "I'm sorry, Rubella, but we just can't afford to have you as our maid anymore...Not even on alternating weeks...What?...Yeah, well you just try and scrape up the funds for a DNA test. Until then your little boy still calls me 'Mr. Buffett.'"

* "See?! See?! It said so right on the coupon! 'Two medium pizzas with one topping, free two-liter soda, $18!' You order two large pizzas and you might as well say, 'Here! Ass-rape our bank account!'"

* "That's five dollars to pet the gryphon, ten to ride it and a hundred to have 15 minutes alone with it."

* "They want more scones and apple butter?! What do all our B&B guests have, tapeworm?!"

* "I rented the main house to something called The Real World. See the girl face down in our hot tub not making any more bubbles? She's the 'fun one.'"

* "You know, I'm really getting sick and tired of hearing the word 'arson.'"

* "Hello, Warren? We have your son Howard. If you ever want to see him alive again just drop off $37 billion dollars at...Well, can I finish first?...Yeah, we'll make sure he doesn't feel a thing..."

* "Hey, Morty. Gimme a Pick 6, two Lucky 7's, a Jersey Jackpot and whatever you got in your cash register."

* "I ate the gryphon."