6-6-06: How to Tell the Real Me from My Evil Parallel-Universe Me Should I Ever Have to Plead with You to "Shoot the Fake Me!"
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Noticeable proclivity toward murder
Real Me
• Had bad nightmares for a week after running over first hooker in “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City”
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Frequently threatens populace
Real Me
• Often apologizes for rain
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Startlingly self-sufficient, goal-oriented
Real Me
• Entering third straight day of working in total darkness at home office, having not replaced halogen bulb because of, well, you know...stuff...
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Smoldering gaze makes him a magnet for the ladies
Real Me
• Inability to maintain eye contact makes it appear as if I'm endlessly fascinated with carpeting
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Natural ease with most tools and weapons, be they projectile, serrated or telepathic
Real Me
• If it can't be opened with scissors then there's probably a damn good reason it's sealed
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Can bend anyone's will to his favor
Real Me
• Have immediately found myself on the defensive after voicing font choice.
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Sports scar on left cheek from ax duel
Real Me
• Sports scar on right knee from sparkler incident
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Inevitably causes bar fight
Real Me
• Inevitably winds up in back of bar, alone, intensely studying text messages no one has actually sent
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Cats hiss in presence, dogs howl, horses take flight
Real Me
• Was just recently punched in the balls by a toddler
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Concludes even the most casual query with "Answer me!"
Real Me
• Concludes even the most forthright statement with “Or what you said."
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Successfully defeats identical nemesis with well-placed punch through rib cage and spine
Real Me
• Fails to win over identical nemesis by launching into "Let's Get Together" from Disney's The Parent Trap
• Noticeable proclivity toward murder
Real Me
• Had bad nightmares for a week after running over first hooker in “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City”
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Frequently threatens populace
Real Me
• Often apologizes for rain
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Startlingly self-sufficient, goal-oriented
Real Me
• Entering third straight day of working in total darkness at home office, having not replaced halogen bulb because of, well, you know...stuff...
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Smoldering gaze makes him a magnet for the ladies
Real Me
• Inability to maintain eye contact makes it appear as if I'm endlessly fascinated with carpeting
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Natural ease with most tools and weapons, be they projectile, serrated or telepathic
Real Me
• If it can't be opened with scissors then there's probably a damn good reason it's sealed
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Can bend anyone's will to his favor
Real Me
• Have immediately found myself on the defensive after voicing font choice.
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Sports scar on left cheek from ax duel
Real Me
• Sports scar on right knee from sparkler incident
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Inevitably causes bar fight
Real Me
• Inevitably winds up in back of bar, alone, intensely studying text messages no one has actually sent
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Cats hiss in presence, dogs howl, horses take flight
Real Me
• Was just recently punched in the balls by a toddler
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Concludes even the most casual query with "Answer me!"
Real Me
• Concludes even the most forthright statement with “Or what you said."
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
• Successfully defeats identical nemesis with well-placed punch through rib cage and spine
Real Me
• Fails to win over identical nemesis by launching into "Let's Get Together" from Disney's The Parent Trap
posted by Francesco Marciuliano at 10:13 AM
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8 Comments:
"...Often apologizes for rain"
I actually think you did once...
Heh.
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
- Sports stylish parallel-universe goatee
Real Me
- Still receives Christmas card from trauma nurse I met the last time I tried to sculpt my facial hair
that reminds me of that one episode of Scarecrow and Mrs. King in which there was an Evil Mrs. King, and Scarecrow could only save one of them from losing their grip and plunging to their death, or at least crumplement... he knew which hand to grab because the real Mrs. King expressed her dismay at the situation by saying "Oh my gosh!" or something along those lines.
Simply not enough sentences start with the phrase "that reminds me of that one episode of Scarecrow and Mrs. King."
Me: Learned to play the theme song from The Barney Miller show on his accordian.
Evil Parrallel-Universe Me: Sold me the accordian.
This is good fun, although I'd probably shoot the one with the goatee.
Evil Parallel-Universe Me
- Pulled off successful third-world coup by destroying entire Presidential Guard with homemade explosives.
Real Me
- Never advanced past cashier at TCBY.
amen, ces, a-freakin-men.
My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!
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