Retired Girl Scouts Ask Troop Leader to Resign

From left, Major General Sally Eaton, General Rebecca C. Zinni, Lieutenant General Brittany Newbold, Major General Lucy Batiste, Major General Blossom Riggs and Major General Missy Swannack

OPPOSITION
Several retired scouts have called in the past few weeks for Troop Leader Francine Hugh-Bris to resign. Here is what they have said about Ms. Hugh-Bris and her handling of major scout issues.

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Maj. Gen. Sally Eaton
Troop #312, commanded Arts&Crafts whicker
basket reconstruction efforts after Hurricane Katrina.

“First, Francine’s failure to build a coalition with the Boy Scouts,
which she dismissively called the “Yucky Scouts,” imposed
far greater competition on bake sales and lemonade stands.
Second, she said I wasn’t pretty.”

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General Rebecca C. Zinni
Troop #47, former head of Raffles and Contests
Central Command.

“We are now paying the price for Ms. Hugh-Bris’ lack of planning.
Our active scouts are almost out of most of our best selling cookie flavors.
The Thin Mint and Samoa stocks are all but depleted. I don’t even want to think about those poor bastards out there left trying to hock the Lemon Coolers. May God have mercy on their sales…”

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Lt. Gen. Brittany Newbold
Troop #105, former director of Smiles, Hugs, and
Butterfly Kisses 2000-2004.

“My sincere view is that Francine’s sash should be taken away, along with all her patches, which I might add she wasn’t even capable of sewing on herself including, of all things, her Sewing Award. She had to iron it on. What kind of message does that send to our scouts? And quite frankly the last sing along she organized only included songs she liked. And I don’t think Ben Folds Five’s 'BRICK' is an appropriate choice for our younger scouts.”

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Maj. Gen. Lucy Batiste
Troop #88, Cupcake Initiative Liason to Euro-Scouts,
former Chief of S.S.E.N. (Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice).

“Oh my god, she is like, so not good enough to be running the scouts. It’s like totally
a load of horse-cookies that she gets to be in charge. And yeah, horse-cookies, that’s totally not a swear word. My mom says I can say it if I’m angry. Anyway, when I was a scout, the troop leader was all like, “You better do this cause it builds character,” and now Francine is all like, “Let’s watch tv. You! Get me a soda!” I hope she dies! I DO! I’m not joking…(runs off sobbing)”

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Maj. Gen. Blossom Riggs
Troop #609, negotiated discounted sale of Classic Shortbreads to
Scout allies in community retirement homes.

"I think she might be a man. Really. I saw her in the bathroom once and she was standing over the bowl. I asked her what she was doing and she got all flustered and said she was just 'seeing how the other half lived." Plus she asked me out on a date once. I thought that was weird. In her defense though, during our date at the mall, she was a total gentleman."

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Maj. Gen. Missy Swannack
Troop # 114, former covert operative, 710 confirmed kills,
largely responsible for overthrow of corrupt Brownie dictatoroship

"What a twat."

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