An Interview With Matt Tobey
I’m not sure what happened this past winter but a lot of my friends seem to have discovered sex all over again. Pregnancy is reigning supreme in my inner circle. Behold, I have a dog which has temporarily postponed any baby fever in the Jezarian household. Regardless of that, I’m curious as to how the introduction of pregnancy into an otherwise whacky individual’s life changes things. I sat down with my friend Matt Tobey to discuss.
Congratulations on having sex with your wife at least once. Do you refer to yourself as pregnant or does Jackie get irate since she’s doing all the heavy lifting?
I have a little trouble saying "I'm pregnant" or "we're pregnant," probably because I'm self-conscious about my gut, so I tend to use the expression, "we're expecting."
Have you been craving anything since you got pregnant?
No, and neither has my wife really. There was one time when she was about 6-weeks pregnant and she suddenly had an uncontrollable jonesing for apple cider and donuts. Unfortunately, it was still a few weeks before that shit was in season, so I had to drive around town before I finally got my hands on an overpriced jug of cider. Other than that, the food thing hasn't been a factor. No pickles and ice-cream or anything like that.
There was one dude who wrote in the forums on Baby Roadies about his wife getting a taco and dousing it with chocolate syrup when she had a bun in the oven. I almost think it'd be kind of cool to go through that. Normally you'd have to give someone at least a buck to eat something that gross.
Name five things you will absolutely never ever let your child do. This way, when they become habits, I can remind you of this interview.
I will never let my child murder someone. It's a controversial stance to take, but I'm firmly against parents letting their kids murder. Also, no dating Capulets. Those people are filthy good-for-nothings. Honestly, that's a hard question for me. When I was growing up, my parents really trusted me, and that was a huge motivating factor in the choices I made. I'd like to try to take that same kind of approach with my own kids, and just encourage them to make smart choices. It's all such a terrifying crapshoot though. I'm not convinced my kid won't grow up to be an axe-murderer. At the same time, I'm not convinced he/she won't cure cancer. I'm guessing he/she won't do both though. That's something I feel pretty confident about.
Do you think it’s children crying that lead parents to the bottle or the bottle that leads parents to crying children?
The second one.
What the hell is babyroadies? Where the hell did it come from? What the hell happened to that guy’s head?
Baby Roadies is the dad blog I started with my pal Zac Johnson of .:DataWhat?:. Zac and his wife are also expecting at the moment and we simultaneously came to the conclusion that it's kind of bullshit that all of the "parenting" magazines are geared almost exclusively toward mothers. And most of the few resources available for Dads are creepy promise-keeper-y kinds of things. So we started a blog and a forum for Dads who are geeky hipster types who don't pretend to know exactly what the fuck they're doing, but want to be good parents.
The name came from a bit by Henry Rollins. You can read it on the site. It was Zac's idea, and it just sort of fits in a lot of ways.
As far as what happened to that guy's head, I have no idea which guy you're talking about. Rollins?
Now that you’re scouring the web for things that will allow you to maintain some of your male dignity despite being destined to carry a diaper bag around your shoulder, what is the number one thing you haven’t been able to find that you need desperately.
I think that's something I'll discover once the baby is here. At this point I don't know what the hell I need, and there are contradicting messages coming from all angles. Some people swear by the Diaper Genie, others say it's a stinky waste of money. Some guys like the expensive specialty messenger-style diaper bags, others say just buy a cool messanger bag and toss a changing pad in it.
One thing I'm always on the lookout for is music that I'll be able to enjoy with my kids. My parents weren't ever really into good music, so it wasn't until I got to high school and college that I began to develop any kind of real appreciation for music. I want my kid to be a rock-snob before he/she hits kindergarten. So far, I really dig a record called Bedtime with the Beatles by Jason Falkner. It's Beatles tunes redone as lullabies, and it's surprisingly enjoyable. It was done with a real love for the source material, so the covers don't feel like bastardizations. I'm also into a band called The Terrible Twos who do kid-centric indie-pop. The songs aren't at all condescending to the listener and the melodies are infectious. Of course there's They Might Be Giants too, who have a pair of great kids albums under their belts now, but beyond that, the pickings are slim.
Would you rather your child grow up to be a Ninja or Donald Trump?
That's a tough one, especially if the baby ends up being a girl. Donald Trump is ugly enough as a man; I can't imagine what he'd look like as a woman. I guess if you're asking if I'd rather my kid be an unstoppable killing machine or a billionaire, I'd lean toward the latter. There are perks of being the parent of a ninja, I'm sure, but it'd be nice to not have to rely on my pathetic 401k when it comes time to retire. Perhaps the fruit of my loins will grow up to be the world's first billionaire ninja, like a nunchuck tycoon or something.In preference order, name the five super powers you’re praying on a nightly basis that your child will be born with.
What’s the most rad baby swag that you’ve found on the internet as you scour it for Babyroadies fodder.
There are some really funny irreverent onesies out there. One says, "They're raising me gay." There are more, but that's probably the funniest one to me.
How can people get their products mentioned on babyroadies.com?
If someone has a product they think is up our alley, they should email us at babyroadies@gmail.com and we'll figure it out from there.
Tell me I rock.
You rock.
What’s your stance on knowing beforehand if its’ a boy or a girl?
I think it's fun not knowing the gender, but to each his own. There are days when I really want to know, so I can see someone not being able to stand the suspense.
If you have a boy, at what age do you think you’ll be okay with discovering your son’s penis is bigger than your own?
I'll always be okay with my son having a bigger penis than me. My daughter is a different story. That would probably freak me out.
What’s your stance on the push gift, are you going to cave and buy one? If so, what do you have in mind?
I've never heard it called a push gift before, but Jackie and I decided pretty early on that we would buy each other small gifts when the baby came. There was a point a few weeks ago when things got a little rough one evening and I weathered the storm so well that she bought me a new PS2 game the naext day to say "thank you." Also she's throwing me what I've dubbed a "Dad Mitzvah" this weekend, which will be a small get-together for me to hang out with my dude friends and play cards and shit. I however, still have no idea what I'm going to buy her. Also, she'll probably read this, so even if I did, I wouldn't let the cat out of the bag.
About Matt Tobey: Matthew Tobey is an editor for All Movie Guide, a contributing editor for Cracked Magazine and a blogger at BabyRoadies.com and The City of Floating Blogs (tobey.cracked.com). He lives near Detroit with his wife and their dog and will soon be joined by their first child. In his spare time he enjoys regretting to write funny things in his bios.
Congratulations on having sex with your wife at least once. Do you refer to yourself as pregnant or does Jackie get irate since she’s doing all the heavy lifting?
I have a little trouble saying "I'm pregnant" or "we're pregnant," probably because I'm self-conscious about my gut, so I tend to use the expression, "we're expecting."
Have you been craving anything since you got pregnant?
No, and neither has my wife really. There was one time when she was about 6-weeks pregnant and she suddenly had an uncontrollable jonesing for apple cider and donuts. Unfortunately, it was still a few weeks before that shit was in season, so I had to drive around town before I finally got my hands on an overpriced jug of cider. Other than that, the food thing hasn't been a factor. No pickles and ice-cream or anything like that.
There was one dude who wrote in the forums on Baby Roadies about his wife getting a taco and dousing it with chocolate syrup when she had a bun in the oven. I almost think it'd be kind of cool to go through that. Normally you'd have to give someone at least a buck to eat something that gross.
Name five things you will absolutely never ever let your child do. This way, when they become habits, I can remind you of this interview.
I will never let my child murder someone. It's a controversial stance to take, but I'm firmly against parents letting their kids murder. Also, no dating Capulets. Those people are filthy good-for-nothings. Honestly, that's a hard question for me. When I was growing up, my parents really trusted me, and that was a huge motivating factor in the choices I made. I'd like to try to take that same kind of approach with my own kids, and just encourage them to make smart choices. It's all such a terrifying crapshoot though. I'm not convinced my kid won't grow up to be an axe-murderer. At the same time, I'm not convinced he/she won't cure cancer. I'm guessing he/she won't do both though. That's something I feel pretty confident about.
Do you think it’s children crying that lead parents to the bottle or the bottle that leads parents to crying children?
The second one.
What the hell is babyroadies? Where the hell did it come from? What the hell happened to that guy’s head?
Baby Roadies is the dad blog I started with my pal Zac Johnson of .:DataWhat?:. Zac and his wife are also expecting at the moment and we simultaneously came to the conclusion that it's kind of bullshit that all of the "parenting" magazines are geared almost exclusively toward mothers. And most of the few resources available for Dads are creepy promise-keeper-y kinds of things. So we started a blog and a forum for Dads who are geeky hipster types who don't pretend to know exactly what the fuck they're doing, but want to be good parents.
The name came from a bit by Henry Rollins. You can read it on the site. It was Zac's idea, and it just sort of fits in a lot of ways.
As far as what happened to that guy's head, I have no idea which guy you're talking about. Rollins?
Now that you’re scouring the web for things that will allow you to maintain some of your male dignity despite being destined to carry a diaper bag around your shoulder, what is the number one thing you haven’t been able to find that you need desperately.
I think that's something I'll discover once the baby is here. At this point I don't know what the hell I need, and there are contradicting messages coming from all angles. Some people swear by the Diaper Genie, others say it's a stinky waste of money. Some guys like the expensive specialty messenger-style diaper bags, others say just buy a cool messanger bag and toss a changing pad in it.
One thing I'm always on the lookout for is music that I'll be able to enjoy with my kids. My parents weren't ever really into good music, so it wasn't until I got to high school and college that I began to develop any kind of real appreciation for music. I want my kid to be a rock-snob before he/she hits kindergarten. So far, I really dig a record called Bedtime with the Beatles by Jason Falkner. It's Beatles tunes redone as lullabies, and it's surprisingly enjoyable. It was done with a real love for the source material, so the covers don't feel like bastardizations. I'm also into a band called The Terrible Twos who do kid-centric indie-pop. The songs aren't at all condescending to the listener and the melodies are infectious. Of course there's They Might Be Giants too, who have a pair of great kids albums under their belts now, but beyond that, the pickings are slim.
Would you rather your child grow up to be a Ninja or Donald Trump?
That's a tough one, especially if the baby ends up being a girl. Donald Trump is ugly enough as a man; I can't imagine what he'd look like as a woman. I guess if you're asking if I'd rather my kid be an unstoppable killing machine or a billionaire, I'd lean toward the latter. There are perks of being the parent of a ninja, I'm sure, but it'd be nice to not have to rely on my pathetic 401k when it comes time to retire. Perhaps the fruit of my loins will grow up to be the world's first billionaire ninja, like a nunchuck tycoon or something.In preference order, name the five super powers you’re praying on a nightly basis that your child will be born with.
What’s the most rad baby swag that you’ve found on the internet as you scour it for Babyroadies fodder.
There are some really funny irreverent onesies out there. One says, "They're raising me gay." There are more, but that's probably the funniest one to me.
How can people get their products mentioned on babyroadies.com?
If someone has a product they think is up our alley, they should email us at babyroadies@gmail.com and we'll figure it out from there.
Tell me I rock.
You rock.
What’s your stance on knowing beforehand if its’ a boy or a girl?
I think it's fun not knowing the gender, but to each his own. There are days when I really want to know, so I can see someone not being able to stand the suspense.
If you have a boy, at what age do you think you’ll be okay with discovering your son’s penis is bigger than your own?
I'll always be okay with my son having a bigger penis than me. My daughter is a different story. That would probably freak me out.
What’s your stance on the push gift, are you going to cave and buy one? If so, what do you have in mind?
I've never heard it called a push gift before, but Jackie and I decided pretty early on that we would buy each other small gifts when the baby came. There was a point a few weeks ago when things got a little rough one evening and I weathered the storm so well that she bought me a new PS2 game the naext day to say "thank you." Also she's throwing me what I've dubbed a "Dad Mitzvah" this weekend, which will be a small get-together for me to hang out with my dude friends and play cards and shit. I however, still have no idea what I'm going to buy her. Also, she'll probably read this, so even if I did, I wouldn't let the cat out of the bag.
About Matt Tobey: Matthew Tobey is an editor for All Movie Guide, a contributing editor for Cracked Magazine and a blogger at BabyRoadies.com and The City of Floating Blogs (tobey.cracked.com). He lives near Detroit with his wife and their dog and will soon be joined by their first child. In his spare time he enjoys regretting to write funny things in his bios.