How to Expain the Easter Bunny to Kids

"Imagine the largest bunny ever. I mean huge! Now imagine it breaking into your house late at night while you sleep..."

"He's sort of like Santa Claus only, you know, feral."

"If some Greek god could come down to earth as a swan then surely Our Lord in Heaven can show up as a freakin' rabbit."

"This is what all the rabbits who weren't massacred in Watership Down now do for a living."

"The great thing about the Easter Bunny is that if he doesn't bring you what you want, you can eat him."

"You know that rabbit the dogs chase at the track I bring you to on my designated weekends? Same guy."

"Why does the Easter Bunny always seem to hide the very eggs we painted the day before? Good question. Why don't we trap him and find out?"

"Actuallly, every animal has a job. And why the hell shouldn't they? I bust my hump every day to pay for this house so what gives them the right to live free on my lawn?!"

"Three days before Easter the bunny is killed. Then on Sunday he comes back to life...with a basket...and some marshmallow peeps...what I'm trying to say is that we are really lapsed Catholics..."