Technical Support for Today's Young, Pretty, Self-Involved Metrosexual
You’re young and hip and on-the-go in the city. You've got a new job and the latest laptop, you network the ladies, you email your cronies, you IM your Mom and Google your name 107 times a day. Sadly, however, your slick tech life is not without it’s uncool speed bumps. There are files that won’t parse, routers to locate and HTML and XML gobbledy-gook that should only concern the crotchety thirty-somethings who make the technology.
Luckily, The Apple Computer Company, partnered with VH1’s Pop-up Video franchise and Cargo Magazine, have recently developed helper software for today’s young, self-important metrosexual. The process is simple. Each time some meaningless technical jargon like, "Unable to recognize hard drive" appears, the hip user merely clicks on the "iPod™ iTunes™ Cargo Magazine™ VH1 Pop-up Video™ Assistance for the Tragically Hip" — or IICMVPVAFTTH™ — button and is then guided through a series of steps that not only identify the problem, but also ensure maximum hipness during the troubleshooting process.
Let’s run through a sample problem and solution:
Problem: You’d like to use Starbuck’s wireless Internet, but your Apple Airport™ cannot locate the WiFi router.
In the past, your solution may have been: Play it cool and pretend you’re busily surfing the web by frantically typing nothing and giving the screen a pensive, concerned, yet sexy look. While effective, this method lacks the dynamic facade that today's hipster must maintain.
Now, with the new IICMVPVAFTTH™ button, the user is assisted in performing simple tasks that will help get him/her back to their undeniably cutting edge lifestyle: First, a screen appears featuring a celebrity font by Gwen Stefani and a music montage by The Black Eyed Peas. After a brief 8 page sign-up, salary check and credit card entry prompt, the user is given several options:
Luckily, The Apple Computer Company, partnered with VH1’s Pop-up Video franchise and Cargo Magazine, have recently developed helper software for today’s young, self-important metrosexual. The process is simple. Each time some meaningless technical jargon like, "Unable to recognize hard drive" appears, the hip user merely clicks on the "iPod™ iTunes™ Cargo Magazine™ VH1 Pop-up Video™ Assistance for the Tragically Hip" — or IICMVPVAFTTH™ — button and is then guided through a series of steps that not only identify the problem, but also ensure maximum hipness during the troubleshooting process.
Let’s run through a sample problem and solution:
Problem: You’d like to use Starbuck’s wireless Internet, but your Apple Airport™ cannot locate the WiFi router.
In the past, your solution may have been: Play it cool and pretend you’re busily surfing the web by frantically typing nothing and giving the screen a pensive, concerned, yet sexy look. While effective, this method lacks the dynamic facade that today's hipster must maintain.
Now, with the new IICMVPVAFTTH™ button, the user is assisted in performing simple tasks that will help get him/her back to their undeniably cutting edge lifestyle: First, a screen appears featuring a celebrity font by Gwen Stefani and a music montage by The Black Eyed Peas. After a brief 8 page sign-up, salary check and credit card entry prompt, the user is given several options:
- Purchase an Apple iPod Video™ or iPod Nano™
- Subscribe to Cargo or Lucky Magazine
- Purchase a Starbuck’s gift card
- Get help with your wireless connection
- Choose all of the above
- Play it cool and pretend you’re busily surfing the web by frantically typing nothing and giving the screen a pensive, concerned, yet sexy look. Prada wire rim glasses are always a great accessory in this instance. (The Prada logo is highlighted so when clicked, you are brought to a separate order screen)
- Open your System Preferences and click on the internet icon. Choose the connection tab and check the status of your POP and DCHP client and be sure that the proxy server tab is set to “none”. Click “done” and open the Airport connection software. Click “Connect to an existing Airport network” and follow the prompts. Open your Firefox™ browser and begin shopping the web. (Note: on newer versions of IICMVPVAFTTH™ assistance software, this choice is not available, as focus groups showed it only chosen once.
- Get up from your computer, remember that you’re a young, hip metrosexual and ask someone over 30 for help. Be sure your choice isn’t dressed in Abercrombie or has hair with highlights and obviously too much product. This person thinks they’re young and hip, when in fact, they’re really just sad relics with last year’s iPod, a Subaru Forrester and a mortgage. Ick.
- Pull out your old Motorola RAZR phone, call several friends to brag about your new RAZR on order and verify the whereabouts of tonight’s party. Dish on the rumor that the bassist from Maroon 5 will be there and that he slept with your sister before he was famous.
- If you have forgotten your computer issue, type “I forgot” in the field below. IICMVPVAFTTH™ software will scan you computer for issues and offer options for a fix. IICMVPVAFTTH™ will also scan for your latest downloads from iTunes and suggest additional downloads based on genres in your library.