Please Donate to the Red Cross

A few years ago, I got the opportunity to drive my husband, a New Yorker, from New Orleans, LA, through Mississippi to Gulf Shores, AL. It was a fantastic road trip highlighted by great food, warm people and a sublime landscape. Now a large portion of that journey is submerged under several feet of water that is soiled with debris, gasoline and more than a few corpses.

This isn't the worst natural disaster that has ever been...it's not even the worst that's taken place in the last year. But it's on my turf, in the region that I will always think of as home. So I ask you to please, please, take a moment and donate to the Red Cross today.

Red Cross
You may have to try a few times, the site is running slowly.

Upcoming Ann Coulter Books

The following Ann Coulter books are coming soon to a Barnes & Noble, Borders and Hell House near you:

Drawings What I Drew of Reagan as a Naked Gladiator

The Scientific Method Should Only Be Used as Birth Control

Greenhouse Effect Disproved by Late January Frost

The Poor Bring Consumer Spending Down

Save the Rainforest, Save the Whales, Save the Flood Victims: Liberals' Sick Hoarding Mentality

Joe McCarthy: My Favorite Beatle

"Edify" Does Not Mean "Building": Things I've Learned Since My Publisher Forced Me to Hire a Proofreader

If God Didn’t Create the World in Six Days Then How Do You Explain This VeggieTales Tape I Rented?

Skimming Book Jacket Flaps: How to Speed-Read through Six History Books in Only Four Years

Where Do They Come Up with All Those Letters for Scrabble?

The C-Word: Coulter

From Editor & Publisher:

Arizona Daily Star Drops Ann Coulter's 'Shrill' Column

NEW YORK The Arizona Daily Star in Tucson has had enough of conservative commentator Ann Coulter.

In a column announcing a wide range of changes in the paper's opinion pages Monday, Editor and Publisher David Stoeffler revealed that the paper was dropping Coulter's syndicated column.

"Many readers find her shrill, bombastic, and mean-spirited. And those are the words used by readers who identified themselves as conservatives," the recently appointed Stoeffler wrote.

One recent example of Coulter's controversial approach was in her Aug. 10 column. She wrote: "(T)he savages have declared war, and it's far preferable to fight them in the streets of Baghdad than in the streets of New York -- where the residents would immediately surrender."

Yes, because if there's one thing New Yorkers are celebrated for the world over it's our anti-bellicose nature. In fact, I invite C-Word to visit our fair city and start a fight with anyone on any street corner. Let's see who goes home with their hideous ostrich neck in a splint.

Of course, it's rather odd that C-Word would have such a strong stance against terrorism, given that she also once said, "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." (New York Observer, Aug. 20, 2002.)

Which leads us to ask exactly why does C-Word despise New York City so? Is it because our Natural History Museum doesn't start with a diorama of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and wrap up three displays later with Ronnie and Nancy in an Applebee's? Is it because some of our residents go to their place of worship on Saturday instead of Sunday? Or is it because after the horrible tragedy we thought it best to honor the dead rather than litter the world with more corpses?

Now, I know that making fun of Ann Coulter is like making fun of a retarded kid who just can't understand why you don't dress up as Himmler for Halloween. But as a New Yorker and an American I, too, have a regret--That Ann Coulter's mom wasn't pro-choice.

Unfit Toys: Community Service Barbie

Why do time for "The Man" when you can do time for your fellow man? Thanks to a minor run-in with the law (suffice it to say it involves a busload of orphans no longer in need of homes) and a major coup for celebrity-judicial relationships, Barbie is now making the most of her 1100 mandated hours with the "Barbie Inner City Community Center Playset." Let the healing--and the fun--begin as Barbie greets her hard-luck charges with such insightful, invaluable remarks as "Eww, what’s that smell?" "Why don't you turn on the heat in your apartment?," "You would look so much prettier if you straightened your hair," "Don't go into hiding. Just take him for everything in the divorce," "Um, my agent specifically stated there would be no touching" and "You want a new life? Then let me just say three little words—'Elizabeth Arden facial.'"

The preceding is an excerpt from the upcoming "Drink at Work.com Unfit Toy Catalog."

Unfit Toys: Irish Rock'em Sock'em Robots

Watch the Guinness and blood flow in equal measure as these two glazed-eyed Gaelics fight each other in the name of…well, okay, that part remains a little fuzzy. We've replaced the typical boxing arena with a cozy pub (your choice of "The Lacerated Lamb" or "The Immolated Terrier") and exchanged the red and blue robots for the all-too-colorful Seamus and Other Seamus. To start, simply select one of the three following rummy remarks: "More men have been inside your mum than in Trinity College," "I wanted a go at your sister but Maureen Siobhan Mackenzie doubled her rates" or "It’s five o'clock! Who wants some?!" Then sit back and enjoy as the soused Seamuses go at it with the ferocity of a heavyweight fighter and the accuracy of a blind, palsy archer. After several minutes of mercilessly and mistakenly pummeling walls, stools, soccer memorabilia and a wholly startled Father Seamus O'Reilly, the Celtic cutups will break into tears, embrace, cry out "Jesus, what are we fighting for?!" and order a round of drinks for the house, all while singing that beloved Irish ballad, "Christ, I'm So Hungry I Could Eat My Own Feet But Then I Couldn't Outrun The Rats."

Also Available: Italian Double Trouble, complete with one unlicensed Berreta and an extra-long mailbag for "storage."

The preceding is an excerpt from the upcoming "Drink at Work.com Unfit Toy Catalog."

This Week's Eye Opener

Coming to TV this Fall!
Francesco Marciuliano

"Six recent college grads with big dreams and little real-world experience get a harsh wake-up call when a cougar breaks into their house one morning."

"A world-renowned author of proper etiquette guides meets a robot with sass-mouth in the most exciting docudrama of the season."

"The Brady Bunch is back! And this time they’re working Homicide."

Full Article

From The Dad Who Brought You the Original Orgy Shirt...

Our play's publicist Kambri models one of my dad's other creations, the, uh, "Tits" T-shirt.

One day I'll post our DisneyWorld family photo from 1976, when it was apparently socially acceptable for a father of two to wander around an amusement park with a T-shirt that proudly exclaimed "Up Yours." It was the very same shirt he wore to meet with my brother's sixth grade teacher after Marcello was briefly expelled for having a tattoo...a tattoo that my dad had applied to Marcello's arm with a "temporary" paint set.

The Type of Madness That Can Only Come from 500 Years of Democracy and Peace

Never before has the opening sentence to a news story so captured this reader's attention--and made any attempts at satire utterly pointless. But, oh, the story only gets better with each subsequent paragraph. So without futher ado, Drink at Work.com (or, more precisely, Reuters), proudly presents the singular magnificence that is "Unspunnenfest":

ZURICH (Reuters) - A medieval-style festival of stone-throwing, wrestling and yodelling has been cancelled after floods swamped Switzerland and Swiss-French separatists stole the iconic rock traditionally hurled by competitors.

The "Unspunnenfest," an extravaganza of Swiss folk culture which only takes place roughly once a decade, had been pencilled in for the first weekend of September in the village of Unspunnen in the Bernese Alps.

But the floods and mudslides which have ravaged the area, sweeping away houses and cutting off towns, sounded the death knell on a contest already hampered by the theft of its symbolic centrepiece -- the "Unspunnenstein".

The stone, an 80-kg emblem of Swiss nationality, was stolen from display in a hotel in the city of Interlaken last weekend. Swiss media said French-speaking separatists who wish to secede from the German-speaking canton (state) of Berne claimed responsibility for the theft.

Despite its diminutive size and multilingual population, Switzerland is split by a cultural gulf between the Germanic majority and French minority.

Berne police said the thieves had replaced the stone with a plaster replica bearing the emblem of French-speaking Jura, the canton to which the separatist group want to belong.

"The stone has still not been found," Unspunnenfest spokesman Peter Wenger said. The Unspunnenstein was previously stolen by separatists in 1984.

A long wait may be in store for those keen to see the spectacle of burly Swiss men lining up to heave the Unspunnenstein above their heads, sprint forwards and hurl it through the air in a centuries-old show of strength.

"Last time the stone disappeared we didn't find it for 16 years," Wenger said. The Unspunnenfest is nevertheless rescheduled for September 2006.

Unspunnenfest organisers had been prepared to use a replica stone this year, but the weather caused transport chaos across the country as well as the region, making it almost impossible for people to reach the village.

A Quick Moment With Carol

If there's something hotter than Michael Pare and Diane Lane in 1984's
Streets of Fire, I don't want to know about it.

This has been a quick moment with Carol.

xoxo,
Carol

Pat Robertson Quotes

Taken from previously unpublished "700 Club" transcripts:

"Man and monkey did not evolve from the same species. They didn't! You know how I know? Because I have eaten both and the tastes are remarkably dissimiliar."

"Sure, the Constitution states 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.' People say a lot of things. I once told me wife I was going to get the brakes fixed on our car. Didn't get around to it. Wanted some 'me' time. Two days later she drove right through a special ed school. Killed some kids. Big ones, too. That's what happens when you take prayer out of the classroom."

"Terrorism is happening because we as a nation have turned our back on God. Some of you might say, 'But if God is everywhere how can we turn our backs on Him? That doesn't make any sense.' Well, sometimes God steps away to do some filing. He's very organized. You have to be when you're the Almighty Creator. Otherwise, you have birds piloting aircraft and that simply wouldn't work."

"Halloween is an abomination, a dark temptation. It encourages young Irish boys and girls to cut school, consume alcohol, get into fights and fornicate right on the parade route. Now, you might be thinking I've confused Halloween with St. Patrick's Day but let me tell you, those Micks will use any holiday as an excuse to get drunk."

"Termites don't build things. Christians do. Termites only destroy. Have you ever met a Christian termite? I know I haven't. Sure, maybe a few that were Methodist, but that's like mistaking fishstick for lobster. I think I've made my point."

"Our strategy against the radical American left should be one of guerilla warfare. We have to remain undetected, use stealth, operate under cover of night, always alternating between our bedroom and bathroom windows as we fire off as many rounds of ammo as possible. If you accidentally shoot a dog, so be it. Man is the master of all beasts and no lawsuit is going to convince me otherwise."

"Call me old-fashioned but I think non-believers should be manacled, pubicly flayed and set afire by the Council of Elders with the assistance of the town smithy."

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights. It's an anti-family movement that results in wives getting jobs and me ending up home alone burning Gino's Pizza Rolls for dinner. Really, if I wanted to learn to work a convection oven I would have turned gay."

"Guess how many quarters I can fit in my mouth. Go on, take a wild guess. 15! 15 quarters in my mouth! Now, a Jew would have just taken that money. A Catholic would have wasted it on candles or incense or an eighth child. But I shoved 'em all in there, cheek to cheek."

"The Rapture is fast approaching and it's going to hit the atheists like a hurricane. Sure, they can try to board up their souls with excuses or try to escape to higher ground with their sinful drugs, but there will be no avoiding this righteous hurricane. Unless, of course, water temperatures cool off in the Gulf, causing the winds to die down. Then we might just get some light rain. But the weekend looks good so start planning those picnics now."

See "This Isn't Working," Drink Free Vodka--Tonight!

This is it. No more countless self-promotions. No more ceaseless self-aggrandizement. No more wondering if we're better than "Cats." This is the final posting about--and your last chance to see--our FringeNYC play This Isn't Working.

But this time it's different. That's because you're invited to join the cast and crew of "This Isn't Working" at China 1 tonight for our big wrap-up party immediately after our final show. Present your ticket stub from tonight's performance at the bar and receive a free Svedka Vodka cocktail. Plus $3.00 beers for everyone!

This Isn't Working
Tonight, August 24th, 5:15 PM
The Connelly Theater
220 East 4th Street (mid-block on the south side)
(Between Avenues A and B)
Tickets: $15 at the door

Wrap Party
6:30 PM, Tonight after Our Show
China 1
50 Avenue B at 4th Street
Cross Streets: Third Street and Fourth Street
Subway: F, V to 2nd Ave
N, W, 6 to Astor Place
Sponsored by Svedka Vodka

Hope to see you there!

The More You Know

Thou Shalt Not Kill--Revised

From a CNN report:

Conservative Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson has called for the United States to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, calling him "a terrific danger" bent on exporting Communism and Islamic extremism across the Americas.

"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson told viewers on his "The 700 Club" show Monday. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

And so we add Chavez to Pat's ever-growing "Homicide Wish List," after Supreme Court Justices, the State Department, Islam and people who don't already know what they want to eat when they use the drive-thru at Chick-fil-A.

Gothamist Interviews Ces

Josh Abraham, one of the writers of the very funny Web site Yankee Pot Roast, recently interviewed Ces for Gothamist, a cool Web site/blog about the goings on in a little town called New York City. In the interview they discuss Drink at Work, Medium Large, Sally Forth, Rule of 3 and This Isn't Working among other things. Please enjoy:
Francesco Marciuliano, Writer and Artist

This Week's Eye Opener

What's the Worst that Could Happen
Francesco Marciuliano

After a nice, long vacation you come home to find your dog wearing your clothes, answering to your name and pointing a gun at your head.

What you had always believed was a childhood alien abduction proves, under hypnosis, to have been an exceedingly unpleasant weekend with your uncle instead.

After 10 years of home schooling your children you discover that the film “History of the World Part One” was in fact a joke.

Full Article

A Quick Moment with Carol

Complete transcript of a conversation I had with
a coworker at a group lunch yesterday:

---

Her: You seem funny.

Me: I have no friends.

---

This has been a quick moment with Carol.

xoxo,

Carol

Friendly Reminder: This Isn't Working Is Tonight!

Tonight is another showing of our 2005 New York International Fringe Festival play, This Isn't Working, described by one attendee as "the best written thing [they'd] seen in the Fringe in a while." Care to see if they're wrong? Then come on down!

This Isn't Working
Tonight, August 19th, 9:15 PM
The Connelly Theater
220 East 4th Street (mid-block on the south side)
(Between Avenues A and B)
Tickets: $15

Hope to see you there!

Conversations with Dad 9: The Dentist

Wherein My Dad's Mouth Gets the Best of Him

The following is a transcript of an actual telephone conversation with my father, Frank Marciuliano, award-winning graphic designer, one-time pornography T-shirt illustrator and self-described Renaissance Man. The transcript is part of a series of such dialogues documented in the hope that it will help the two of us both highlight and ultimately address the ideological differences that remain between us. Needless to say, the series continues to this day.

Phone rings.

Ces: Hello?

Dad: Oh God, Ces, I've got this fuckin' red rash on my right cheek that's spreading across my whole goddamn face ever since I went to that thieving bastard dentist again who makes a fuckin' mistake every time he puts that drill in my mouth and now I have this huge abscess that won't stop growing and it hurts every time I poke at it so fuckin' much I can't even put my head on the pillow so I didn't sleep at all last night I woke up at 2 am and then 2:30 and then 3 am and 3:30 and 4 and 4:30 and then five and then 5:30 and then six and then I finally fall asleep only to have your mother wake me up to tell me she made breakfast for me and when I get out of my bed my back locks up and it's killing me and as I'm walking down the hallway I bang my fuckin' knee against that table I made for your mother Jesus you never felt such pain and that knee's never been good ever since I tried to kick your brother in the ass and the son of a bitch got out of the way and I smashed my foot against the brick wall so by the time I limp to the kitchen the fuckin' coffee's weak because your mother already put milk in it even though I keep telling her not to but she never listens to me just like you and Marcello never fuckin' listen to me why doesn't anyone ever fuckin' listen to me?

Ces: Who is this?

Dad: What the fuck are you talking about?! It's me! Your father!

Ces: I know, Dad. I was just...sooo...an abscess, huh?

Dad: Oh dear God, it's fuckin' killing me, Ces. I should have just punched out that dirty rat fuck dentist in the face so he would know how it feels!

Ces: Okay, okay. You have to relax, okay? I'm sure it hurts like hell and I'm sorry. But the first thing you need to do is have the abscess checked.

Dad: It's fuckin' killing me!

Ces: That's why you have to have it checked.

Dad: But what if it's too late?

Ces: "Too late"?

Dad: Y'know, what if I'm going to...

Ces: It's an abscess, Dad, not a gun shot wound.

Dad: I don't want to die before everyone else!

Ces: Get it checked. You'll be fine.

Dad: I haven't even recorded my rap songs yet!

Ces: You're not...wait, you want to record your rap songs?

Dad: I even came up with a hippity-hop name.

Ces: Hip-hop.

Dad: I even have a hip-hop name--"F.O.G."

Ces: "F.O.G."?

Dad: "Fat Old Guinea"

Ces: Oh, Dad. No...

Dad: So I can't die now!

Ces: You're not going to die!

Dad: You don't understand, Ces. You don't! An abscess keeps growing! It keeps growing and growing and growing until it moves all the way up your nasal passages and attacks the brain!

Ces: What?!

Dad: It just spreads across the whole fuckin' brain! My fuckin' brain, Ces!

Ces: I...I don't think that's exactly what happens, Dad.

Dad: Why don't you ever fuckin' believe me, Ces? Why doesn't anyone ever fuckin' listen to me?! I know these things!

Ces: How, Dad? How do you know these things?

Dad: I just do! Just like I can always guess what ethnic group someone belongs to.

Ces: You...you don't still do that in public, do you?

Dad: Plus, a friend agreed with me about the abscess.

Ces: A friend? Who?

Dad: Y'know...what's-his-name.

Ces: St. Augustine?

Dad: Don't be a fuckin' wiseass! Y'know...begins with an "M"...Morty!

Ces: Morty.

Dad: Morty said an abscess goes straight into the brain if you don't catch it in time.

Ces: Morty the typographer.

Dad: It attacks all the nerves and cells. Before you know it you're dead.

Ces: Perhaps you should seek medical advice outside the defunct typesetting industry, Dad.

Dad: You gotta see how red the rash is!

Ces: See a doctor, Dad.

Dad: It hurts so fuckin' much, Ces!

Ces: Have it checked, Dad!

Dad: Hurts every single time I touch it...

Ces: Well then don't tou...

Dad: I just knew this would fuckin' happen! The moment I went back to that thieving rat fuck dentist I just knew this would happen! No good lying son of a...

Ces: Dad! Dad!!! Before you start signing pre-need papers maybe you should ask yourself one thing. Just one thing. Do you really know what an abscess is?

Dad: I know it's gonna fuckin' kill me!

Previously on "Conversations with Dad":
Payback: The Other Movie with the Exact Same Title
Death and Family in a New Jersey Diner
Pick-A-Dick
The Pizza Incident
The Visit
The Clock
The Gift of Mel Blanc
Clockwork Orange

The King of France Reigns Tonight!

THE KING OF FRANCE
Tonight, Thursday, August 18th at 9:00 sharp!
Southpaw
125 Fifth Avenue, Brooklyn
With: Magnolia Electric Co. (11:00) and Grand Buffet (10:00)
Tickets: $10 advance, $12 d.o.s.

And don't forget to check out The King of France's great "personalized" commercials for MTV's The Real World: Austin.

The King of France writes catchy, intelligent, highly melodic pop-rock songs with a strong and welcome dose of Midwestern angst.
-- The New Yorker, January 17th, 2005

With plink-plonking keyboards, vocals that waver between Leonard Cohen smooth and Jeff Mangum frantic, plus the occasional lap steel, this New York trio are such blithe troopers that they'll even whistle to win you over.
-- Spin Magazine, December, 2004

In an age of overwhelmingly derivative rock music, the King of France is simply a great rock band, one that draws extensively and subtly on the great rock bands of the past without ever allowing the weight of history to overwhelm its singular vision.
-- Salon, July 21, 2004

New Review

Drink at Work.com reviews Lolita Bras and their new EP, Caught in the Open Too Deep.

"Aaah, Yip-Yip-Yip-Yip-Yip-Yip-Yip, Mum-Mum-Mum-Mum-Mum-Mum, Get a Job"

Alas, it's a fact of life even the most artistically inclined of us will have to face. Before your comic/writing/acting earns you a steady income, before your work is finally recognized by the right people, but shortly after you realize you can't justify eating at Arby's for financial reasons and not matters of taste, you will have to find employment.

Your job may be part-time. It may be full-time. It may be the only thing anyone will remember about you at your funeral ("He showed up at the office on time, every single day, even though he absolutely hated it."). But just like The Godfathers' album wasn't titled Birth, School, Bahamas, Death, there will be no escape from toiling for at least some period in a work environment.

So to help you land the job that you may very well dream of one day leaving, we've put together the following information packet. Think of it as our version of What Color Is Your Parachute?. Or, should you prove less than adept at reading analysis, Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. Review the articles carefully, get as many professional references as you can and--as they said in "L.A. Confidential"--"Ace them, kid. Wear a smart suit and ace them."

How NOT to Start a Cover Letter

How to "Formulate" a Powerful Resume by "Implementing" Action Words that "Facilliate" Interest, "Clarify" Skills, "Revitalize" Careers and "Spearhead" "Increased" "Instituting" of "Prioritized" "Formulated" "Delegating" for "Arbitrated" "Coordinationalizing"

"Your Zest for Booze Is Not Both a Strength and a Weakness" and Other Interview Quick Tips

How to Immediately Detect, Decipher and Address a Job Interviewer's Body Language with an Almost Uncanny 12% Success Rate

How to Find a Mentor Who Will Guide You Professionally, Advise You Every Step of Your Career and Quietly Hang Their Head in Humiliation When You Announce to a Roomful of Esteemed Colleagues Your Intention to Visit the Restroom by Proclaiming "I Have to Drop the Kids off at the Pool."

The Teenage Girl President Files

That's right! Now you can read every single Teenage Girl President comic from Medium Large in one sitting. Enjoy the whole series from the pilot show to the most recent episode. Or start from the middle and work your way back to the beginning. Or read every third comic. Or just watch television. "Rescue Me" might be on right now. That's always a good program.

To access the Teenage Girl President Files, simply click on the big "T" at the top of this very post. Or on the left side of this very page. Or on one of the many times we linked it in this very copy. The opportunities are endless but the choice, as always, is yours.

An Interview With Mike Birbiglia

We're creeping up on the one year anniversary of our first and only Drink at Work interview, so in celebration we've decided to add a new one!

If you haven't seen or heard of Mike Birbiglia before, it was only a matter of time. He's going to be huge. Not Drew Carey huge. Not Ray Romano huge. But "Oh my God, it's headed straight for us!" huge. Plus, he's a really, really, really nice guy and we just LOVE him. You will, too.

Click here for the interview.

The Future as We Saw It

Many of you may not know this, but Drink at Work.com had a storied existence long before its current Web inception. Sure, we’ve operated under different names ("Drink at Work Magazine," "Drink at Work Zine," "Cherry Popper"). But we’ve always been there, providing both up-to-the-minute supposed humor as well as farsighted predictions about the future of society in general.

In fact, just recently we unearthed a treasure trove of such previous "news forecasts," shortly after we were informed that our payments had lapsed on our Mini Storage unit and either we remove our archives immediately or watch 35 years of publishing become "by products" for cat food. We thought it would be fun to look back and see just how close our prognostications were. We thought wrong. But damn if we’re going to let all those man-hours go to waste so please enjoy the following "So-Close Predictions" from your friends at Drink at Work.com:

In 1985, Vanessa Williams will be forced to relinquish her crown, thereby ending her long and troubled reign as Queen of England.

In 1988, the California Raisins will sweep the nation, then Canada and finally Mexico, assuming complete control of North America by August.

In 1993, President Bill Clinton will sign the Brady Bill, ensuring continuous economic support for Florence Henderson, Eve Plumb and Barry Williams.

In 1994, a leading sports figure will be charged with multiple homicide, leading many to wonder how things could have gone so horribly wrong for the Philadelphia Phanatic.

In 1981, music television will come to cable, signifying the electrifying return of Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme.

In 1989, the Berlin Wall will be torn down, replaced with an invisible force field and heavily armed cyborg guards.

In 1997, the movie "Titanic" will shatter all records, becoming the most successful direct-to-video film to date.

In 1991, the Cold War will finally come to an end, as we all hail our new world leaders, the Dutch.

Lolita Bras @ Pianos This Thursday

Lolita Bras
Live at Pianos
158 Ludlow
Cross Street: Between Rivington Street and Stanton Street
Directions: F, V at 2nd Ave
Thursday August 18 at 10:30pm
$8 Cover

To find out more about this great band or hear their music, go to the Lolita Bras My Space page.

Then check out drummer Paul Frick's site.

The Review Is In!

First, thanks to everyone who's come to see our 2005 New York International Fringe Festival play This Isn't Working so far. Audience turnout has been fantastic to say the least. Second, remember there are only two more opportunities to catch the show, this Friday, August 19th at 9:15 PM and next Wednesday, August 24th at 5:15 PM. And third, for further proof you'll have a good time here's a review from nytheatre.com:

This Isn't Working
Reviewed by Sharon Fogarty

Talented writer Francesco Marciuliano, author of the nationally syndicated comic strips Sally Forth and Medium Large (available weekdays at www.DrinkatWork.com), has gathered some of the best comic actors I’ve seen in a while to present his four short plays, or long sketches, about job dissatisfaction. The works, for me, are more true than funny, as each piece rides essentially on one joke, though Marciuliano’s one-liners, clever comebacks, and deep wit do point to a very gifted satirist.

The subject of corporate surreality is central to each work and most evident in the first piece, “The Island,” which features five office workers who, having survived a plane crash, are stranded on a desert island. In suits torn to shreds, the starving survivors attempt to continue with their “team meetings” and carry on with “business as usual.” Marciuliano wonderfully conveys that corporate tactics, abstract solutions which look good on paper, never quite get underway or focus on who is actually going to do the dirty work.

Despite the one-joke issue, the actors carry the plays splendidly, particularly when Miranda Jonte and Megan Ross battle it out in “The Awards,” about a ceremony for best pharmaceutical commercial copy. The joke of running back to the microphone to either gain self praise or further insult each other is repeated excessively, but the actresses are completely inspired each time and the work becomes entertaining because of their oddly manic determination. The two other sketches in the program are “The Meeting,” where an author has the power to write events and characters in and out of his life, and “The Takeover,” in which Neanderthals are being bought out of existence by a more advanced race.

Under Jefferson Jowdy’s direction, Marciuliano’s works fall somewhere between a Saturday Night Live sketch and a Twilight Zone episode; they seem to either need more action to become plays or crude editing to become sketches. But the actors handle this delicately and should be commended. They include Alex Goldberg, who carries a sublime sincerity in each of his complex roles, and Julia Garrett and Will Bouvier who, with their honest and calming presence, are well cast as the voices of truth amidst corporate blindness. The corporate-ladder-climbing roles are played with hilarious arrogance by Michaela Hall, Gary Culig, and David Flaherty. Peter Rodriguez and Barbara Drum Sullivan create a series of exceptional performances, leaping into their characters with complete abandon, heightening the ridiculous circumstances of each scene, and often getting huge laughs because of their serious commitment.

Location
The Connelly Theater
220 East 4th Street (mid-block on the south side)
(Between Avenues A and B)

Ticket Information
To purchase tickets ($15 General Admission), please click on one of the remaining two performance dates:
Friday, August 19th, 9:15 pm
Wednesday, August 24th, 5:15 pm

Hope to see you there!

This Week's Eye Opener

Eventual Surface Findings from Recently-Launched Mars Probe
Francesco Marciuliano

“God Bless Tharsis Montes” stickers everywhere.

Martian artists endlessly delighted with their own “cracked perspective” on life, world.

Inhabitants’ obesity constantly blamed on “overactive thyroid.”

Full Article

Previews from "This Isn't Working," Premiering Saturday, August 13th

Just another friendly reminder, our FringeNYC play This Isn't Working premieres this Saturday, August 13th, at 12:00 noon. Here's a preview, courtesy of photographer phenom Mindy Tucker:













Location
The Connelly Theater
220 East 4th Street (mid-block on the south side)
(Between Avenues A and B)

Ticket Information
To purchase tickets ($15 General Admission), please click on one of the five following performance dates:
Saturday, August 13th, 12:00 Noon
Sunday, August 14th, 7:00 pm
Monday, August 15th, 3:00 pm
Friday, August 19th, 9:15 pm
Wednesday, August 24th, 5:15 pm

Hope to see you there!

I See...

I received the following (unedited) email today:

Dear Mr. Marcialiano:

I am a child clinical psychologist. My practice primarily deals with families in turmoil either subsequent to or in the midst of divorce. I therefore see many families with children who are experiencing the trauma of parents fueding. I always work directly with the children as well as with their parents. It is obvious to me and to every one of my colleagues with whom I have discussed the isuued that one of the most, if not the most, significant problems is with child rearing practices dividing parents. One parent tends to have rules and standards while the other is acting as though attempting to win a popularity contest. This is done because that parent has no idea how to teach a child limits and boundaries or to get the children on his or her side. This introduction leads me to some comments on your Sally Forth strip.

I have cut out a series of your strips and regularly give them to patients to read. The sequence starts with Ted Forth telling Sally that he wants to take her to Paris for the honeymoon they never had. FInally, the Forths with have a romantic getaway not in the company of their spoiled brat, Hillary. However when this charming child finds out about the trip she badgers the couple incessantly managing to play on Sally's emotional shallowness and stupidity and convinces them to take her. Next their cat gets an abdominal blockage and they take her to the vet where they learn that an operaton will cost $3,400 (later $3,900) which they can't afford. Hillary of course manages to get them to spend the money on the operation and that kills the trip to Paris. Ted, unfortunately, needs a backbone transplant as his is gone.

What is it that the strip is teaching people? Give in to your children and let them run the house. Hillary is an insufferable child who will turn out to be a truly wretched adult. Woe betide the men who marry women like who she is destined to become. The same is true for women who try to have relationships or marry men raised as you are having the Forth twits raise Hillary. The strip is helpful to me in that my patients readily see elements that are relevant to their own families. I also use it with newly married couples who come in for counseling as a primer on how not to raise a child. I thank you for creating a cartoon that does indeed make a cartoon out of child rearing. Unfortunately, the numbers of children actually growing up in homes like the Forths is legion and our society is already paying a high price.

In closing, I am grateful that when I read your biography on line I saw that you are married but have cats and, thankfully, no children.

To which I could only respond:

Thank you for taking the time to write to me regarding "Sally Forth."

I have notified my syndicate about your use of the strip as professional material in your practice. I believe they will be in contact with you shortly concerning licensing issues.

In Your Face, Space Coyote!!

We're back! Many, many thanks to Pat of It's Your Turn.com for fixing the problem in less than 24 hours. I'll have the Medium Large page back to blog format by tonight. You'll probably find some missing images here and there as we try to restore a few things that only lived on our dead server. But all major content should be back in business, awaiting your pithy comments.

"This Isn't Working" Starts This Saturday, August 13th!

This Friday is the opening of the 2005 New York International Fringe Festival. And this Saturday, August 13th, is the first performance of our very own FringeNYC play, This Isn't Working!

So, what is This Isn't Working about? Perhaps the following preview will give you a hint:

This Isn't Working
Do you use your office chair as a battering ram? Do you now look at pictures of your coworkers' kids with a far too critical eye? Do you spend your workdays making Lite Brite designs with the buttons in each elevator? Then This Isn't Working is for you.

A collection of four short comedies about serious job dissatisfaction written by the nationally syndicated cartoonist behind "Sally Forth" and Drink at Work.com, This Isn't Working is for anyone who's fed up with their job but still needs the salary to eat.

From a business department that survives a plane crash on a remote island only to struggle with fourth quarter projections to a corporate takeover that's the result of poor planning and inadequate spears, This Isn't Working explores the fine line between making a living and making obscene gestures as you run out the office doors, laptops in hand. You'll witness personal crises, communal struggles and private shame. You'll see characters fall apart, civilizations crumble and a meeting break for lunch. You'll laugh. You'll learn. You'll leave.

More than a business survival guide but less than 90 minutes, This Isn't Working will make you feel better about yourself, perhaps worse about your job and most likely the same about off-site seminars.

Location
The Connelly Theater
220 East 4th Street (mid-block on the south side)
(Between Avenues A and B)

Ticket Information
To purchase tickets ($15 General Admission), please click on one of the five following performance dates:
Saturday, August 13th, 12:00 Noon
Sunday, August 14th, 7:00 pm
Monday, August 15th, 3:00 pm
Friday, August 19th, 9:15 pm
Wednesday, August 24th, 5:15 pm

You can find out even more information on our play by going to the This Isn't Working site (Note: Please make sure to expand your web browser page to full-size to see all play information).

We hope to see you at the play and we greatly appreciate all your support, whether it be in attendance or in spirit.

Thank you!

This Week's Eye Opener

Plot Leaks from Upcoming Season of Lost
Francesco Marciuliano

Hi-jinks and shenanigans are afoot when guest stars The Harlem Globetrotters wash ashore.

Television show product placement hits an all-time low when Claire's newborn baby starts hawking Quiznos subs.

The French woman uses the last of her artillery stockpile to fire on a Greenpeace boat.

Full Article

For more on our good friend television:
A Tough Love Memo to Saturday Night Live
How Fans Can Cope with the End of First-Run Star Trek Episodes
$25,000 Pyramid Categories about Your Office

Happy Birthday from Frank and Isilda

Click for Song

Today's a Birthday

Alas, today is indeed my birthday, officially putting me in my middle-upper thirties. To commemorate/commiserate that fact, here are some AM/FM radio hits from my 70's childhood, courtesy of the great mp3 flashback site Bubblegum Machine:

Beach Baby--First Class
Good Girls Don't--The Knack
Surrender--Cheap Trick

I also refer you to the following Drink at Work.com article:
Things to Accomplish by Age 30 Slightly Modified So That They May Be Achieved by Age 40

And last but not least, I leave you with the actual words my brother Marcello said at his fifth birthday party right before blowing out the candles on his cake:

"It's all going by so fast."