The Five Steps to a Happy and Mentally Healthy Holiday Family Reunion

1. Poor yourself a nice, tall glass of vodka.

2. Come on now, you can find a taller glass than that.

3. Aww, hell. Just insert a crazy straw in a Ketel One bottle.

4. Find yourself a cozy corner of the sofa, next to sleeping elderly relatives.

5. Spend rest of evening cradling bottle and repeatedly muttering to it in a drunken slur, "Next time it’s just gonna be you and me, baby. I promise."