Notes from Ann Coulter's Editor
Dear Ann:
* Please do not spell things phonetically. You clearly mispronounce a lot of words.
* Never start a sentence with "and," "but" or your crush on Timothy McVeigh.
* You have a tendency to write awkward sentences when working with concepts unfamiliar to you, such as American history.
* Although 780 endnotes is indeed impressive, almost all of yours seem to cite dreams, overheard bus conversations and blackface vaudevillian routines.
* Considering his death, perhaps it's best if you rephrase "I want to blow Ronald Reagan" in the past tense.
* Please check to ensure that each sentence has a subject and a verb, not simply a target and a racial slur.
* Contrary to your impassioned statements, James G. Watt's environmental policies did not, in fact, bring back the unicorn.
* Introductory elements of a sentence typically tend to establish either time or condition, not the author's overwhelming insecurity or need to avenge third-grade taunts.
* Keep your sentences simple, not your thoughts.
* The word "God" does not appear in the U.S. Constitution. Neither does the word "genocide."
* If you consult our publishing house's manual of style you'll notice that we frown on printing white text on white paper, despite your crippling fear of all things black.
* Read your manuscript out loud. If it sounds like Deutschland Uber Alles could easily be played in the background while you speak, we may have a problem.
* I'm very uncomfortable with the numerous rape fantasies in your manuscript, whether its the rape of the earth, of our natural resources or of you by Joe McCarthy.
* While I understand that you like to engage in hyperbole, calling yourself "attractive" is simply pushing it.
* Please do not spell things phonetically. You clearly mispronounce a lot of words.
* Never start a sentence with "and," "but" or your crush on Timothy McVeigh.
* You have a tendency to write awkward sentences when working with concepts unfamiliar to you, such as American history.
* Although 780 endnotes is indeed impressive, almost all of yours seem to cite dreams, overheard bus conversations and blackface vaudevillian routines.
* Considering his death, perhaps it's best if you rephrase "I want to blow Ronald Reagan" in the past tense.
* Please check to ensure that each sentence has a subject and a verb, not simply a target and a racial slur.
* Contrary to your impassioned statements, James G. Watt's environmental policies did not, in fact, bring back the unicorn.
* Introductory elements of a sentence typically tend to establish either time or condition, not the author's overwhelming insecurity or need to avenge third-grade taunts.
* Keep your sentences simple, not your thoughts.
* The word "God" does not appear in the U.S. Constitution. Neither does the word "genocide."
* If you consult our publishing house's manual of style you'll notice that we frown on printing white text on white paper, despite your crippling fear of all things black.
* Read your manuscript out loud. If it sounds like Deutschland Uber Alles could easily be played in the background while you speak, we may have a problem.
* I'm very uncomfortable with the numerous rape fantasies in your manuscript, whether its the rape of the earth, of our natural resources or of you by Joe McCarthy.
* While I understand that you like to engage in hyperbole, calling yourself "attractive" is simply pushing it.
posted by Francesco Marciuliano at 4:30 AM
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13 Comments:
VERY Funny. You'll get some hate mail, probably badly spelled, but it's damn funny! One error, I think Regnery publishing REQUIRES racial slurs....
The unicorn is gone?
That was great!
Zing!
Ces, you slanderous traitor. You probably bought the 9/11 terrorists their plane tickets. Amerika, love it or step into the oven. Pol Pot knew how to deal with commie symp libs like you. Have fun burning in hell with Rosa.
Love,
Ann
Dear ole Ms venemous malapprop. She must be as insecure as ever, but down deep wondering why the media gives her air time, or even bothers to quote her absurdities.
Ern
Fox News RULES!
making fun of ann coulter is my FAVORITE!!
Bravo to the author. Worthy of much snickering.
I would suggest one minor change though. I think that if you change "If it sounds like Deutschland Uber Alles..." to "If it sounds like the Horst Wessel Leid...", it would have even more bite. The Horst Wessel Leid was a frequently used Nazi Party marching song and has no whiff of post-World War II de-Nazification.
LOL, this is pure gold! I love it!
When it's Ann Coulter, the jokes often write themselves.
Ern: The shows Coulter often appears on are punditry shows, where issues are not so much discussed as shouted over. She's right at home there since her articles and books are mostly ad hominem attacks anyway.
I sincerely believe that the only reason anyone listens to her, despite every other word being total BS, is because she has boobs.
She has BOOBS? I thought she WAS a boob.
As to the list, it's everything I've ever thought and felt about her nastiness. THANK YOU.
Hi commies! Umm... try Ann never said or did any of that stuff, is more attractive than any of you blowhards, and, unlike you liberal America-haters, cares about our country the way in which anyone with a brain would. I think she's too smart for you. So yeah, have fun burning in hell with Saddam and them...puh-leeze. Spare me, libs! Sorry if I don't wanna be a limp-wristed, pot smoking, daisy-picking flip flopper like you pathetic excuses for human beings...ya damn tree huggers, draft dodgers, and welfare cheaters. End rant. *goes back to listening to Sean Hannity's radio show* Teehee. Oh yeah, f*ck you...or whatever person of the same sex, animal, or family member you might wanna do after you read this. Maybe next time you dimwits will think twice about making fun of my idol. Really, end rant. Oh, wait a minute...is this badly spelled? Didn't think so. Go back to 5th grade.
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