Unfit Toys: Community Service Barbie

Why do time for "The Man" when you can do time for your fellow man? Thanks to a minor run-in with the law (suffice it to say it involves a busload of orphans no longer in need of homes) and a major coup for celebrity-judicial relationships, Barbie is now making the most of her 1100 mandated hours with the "Barbie Inner City Community Center Playset." Let the healing--and the fun--begin as Barbie greets her hard-luck charges with such insightful, invaluable remarks as "Eww, what’s that smell?" "Why don't you turn on the heat in your apartment?," "You would look so much prettier if you straightened your hair," "Don't go into hiding. Just take him for everything in the divorce," "Um, my agent specifically stated there would be no touching" and "You want a new life? Then let me just say three little words—'Elizabeth Arden facial.'"

The preceding is an excerpt from the upcoming "Drink at Work.com Unfit Toy Catalog."