The Maturity Quiz
JUST HOW OLD ARE YOU?
A Simple Quiz to Be Taken with Water
Are you gradually maturing into a competent yet still convivial adult or have you hiked up your madras pants past your nipples, begun to shun cool breezes/teenagers/social graces and started eating dinner approximately a half-hour after breakfast?
To find out simply answer the following questions, remembering that every "C" not only counts for one point but also brings you one step closer to a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed.
How do you usually end your day?
a. "With a fistful of teeth and a head full of memories."
b. "Having to untie myself from the bed because someone fell asleep again."
c. "Same way I began it--in a housecoat."
What scares you the most?
a. Terrorists
b. American hegemony
c. Accidentally ingesting cheese
It's thirty minutes before your big party. You are:
a. Considering purchasing Everclear and maybe some food.
b. Rearranging your CD collection so that your Ramones, Adolescents and Circle Jerks discs are now well behind your still-shrinkwrapped Coltraine, Coleman and "Bach: Goldberg Variations."
c. Already yawning.
If someone from the Gallup Poll were to inquire about your political affiliation, you would say:
a. "I'm a Democrat."
b. "I'm a Republican."
c. "I get this sharp, shooting pain up my back and neck every time I sneeze or it gets below 60 degrees."
Your idea of a "protest" is:
a. Staging a sit-in at a nuclear reactor/conservative think tank/food co-op that doesn't offer imitation soy crabmeat, singing along to "Rage Against the Machine" and getting high off of good vibes, bad pot and day-old hummus.
b. Refusing to buy bagels from the place down the block because the cashier was "snippy."
c. Yelling at the TV whenever the anchor mentions a tax hike.
By "wild and crazy" you mean:
a. Engaging in a threesome while driving down Big Sur the wrong way on a foggy night shortly after you were administered eye drops.
b. Getting drunk on a weeknight, calling up old lovers over the phone and waking up the next morning with a nauseous feeling inside your stomach and your car inside your kitchen.
c. Illegally downloading Paul Anka's cover of "Wonderwall."
Who do you usually turn to for guidance?
a. Friends
b. Family
c. Lillian Vernon
When dining at an elegant restaurant, you like to impress your companion by:
a. Performing the "instant erection" gag with a napkin and concealed fork.
b. Correctly pronouncing "sommelier" on your fifth try.
c. Not revealing that everything on the menu now gives you gas.
Which do you take the most pride in?
a. Career advancement
b. Spiritual enlightenment
c. Coffee intake reduction
When was the last time you got high?
a. "Oh man, what was the question again?"
b. "Not sure but The Smiths were on the radio and I was on the roof."
c. "When the Vicks Vapor Rub interacted with the Icy Hot."
The most important televised event in the last 40 years was:
a. When the Brady Bunch met both Vincent Price and Don Ho in Hawaii.
b. When man walked on the moon.
c. When Judge Judy put that punk-ass teen in her place but good.
Who is your best friend?
a. "My old college roommate."
2. "My spouse."
3. "My carp."
When highly intoxicated, which role are you most likely to assume?
a. The Communicative Drunk: "WOOOOHOOOOHOOHAHAHA!"
b. The Social Drunk: "Who's up for nude foosball?!"
c. The Reflective Drunk: "Dear God, where did I go wrong?"
When visiting Barnes & Noble, you spend the most time in:
a. The humor section
b. The current fiction section
c. The restroom
Your last sexual encounter...
a. Was so good you named it.
b. Caused your body to lapse into Tex Avery-like convulsions as flares shot from your ears, waving American flags, whirling pinwheels and trumpets burst from your head and your eyes rolled back repeatedly until your pupils turned into cherries and quarters poured out of your mouth.
c. Occurred at a speed only observed in quantum physics.
We'll have the results of your test in a couple of days.
A Simple Quiz to Be Taken with Water
Are you gradually maturing into a competent yet still convivial adult or have you hiked up your madras pants past your nipples, begun to shun cool breezes/teenagers/social graces and started eating dinner approximately a half-hour after breakfast?
To find out simply answer the following questions, remembering that every "C" not only counts for one point but also brings you one step closer to a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed.
How do you usually end your day?
a. "With a fistful of teeth and a head full of memories."
b. "Having to untie myself from the bed because someone fell asleep again."
c. "Same way I began it--in a housecoat."
What scares you the most?
a. Terrorists
b. American hegemony
c. Accidentally ingesting cheese
It's thirty minutes before your big party. You are:
a. Considering purchasing Everclear and maybe some food.
b. Rearranging your CD collection so that your Ramones, Adolescents and Circle Jerks discs are now well behind your still-shrinkwrapped Coltraine, Coleman and "Bach: Goldberg Variations."
c. Already yawning.
If someone from the Gallup Poll were to inquire about your political affiliation, you would say:
a. "I'm a Democrat."
b. "I'm a Republican."
c. "I get this sharp, shooting pain up my back and neck every time I sneeze or it gets below 60 degrees."
Your idea of a "protest" is:
a. Staging a sit-in at a nuclear reactor/conservative think tank/food co-op that doesn't offer imitation soy crabmeat, singing along to "Rage Against the Machine" and getting high off of good vibes, bad pot and day-old hummus.
b. Refusing to buy bagels from the place down the block because the cashier was "snippy."
c. Yelling at the TV whenever the anchor mentions a tax hike.
By "wild and crazy" you mean:
a. Engaging in a threesome while driving down Big Sur the wrong way on a foggy night shortly after you were administered eye drops.
b. Getting drunk on a weeknight, calling up old lovers over the phone and waking up the next morning with a nauseous feeling inside your stomach and your car inside your kitchen.
c. Illegally downloading Paul Anka's cover of "Wonderwall."
Who do you usually turn to for guidance?
a. Friends
b. Family
c. Lillian Vernon
When dining at an elegant restaurant, you like to impress your companion by:
a. Performing the "instant erection" gag with a napkin and concealed fork.
b. Correctly pronouncing "sommelier" on your fifth try.
c. Not revealing that everything on the menu now gives you gas.
Which do you take the most pride in?
a. Career advancement
b. Spiritual enlightenment
c. Coffee intake reduction
When was the last time you got high?
a. "Oh man, what was the question again?"
b. "Not sure but The Smiths were on the radio and I was on the roof."
c. "When the Vicks Vapor Rub interacted with the Icy Hot."
The most important televised event in the last 40 years was:
a. When the Brady Bunch met both Vincent Price and Don Ho in Hawaii.
b. When man walked on the moon.
c. When Judge Judy put that punk-ass teen in her place but good.
Who is your best friend?
a. "My old college roommate."
2. "My spouse."
3. "My carp."
When highly intoxicated, which role are you most likely to assume?
a. The Communicative Drunk: "WOOOOHOOOOHOOHAHAHA!"
b. The Social Drunk: "Who's up for nude foosball?!"
c. The Reflective Drunk: "Dear God, where did I go wrong?"
When visiting Barnes & Noble, you spend the most time in:
a. The humor section
b. The current fiction section
c. The restroom
Your last sexual encounter...
a. Was so good you named it.
b. Caused your body to lapse into Tex Avery-like convulsions as flares shot from your ears, waving American flags, whirling pinwheels and trumpets burst from your head and your eyes rolled back repeatedly until your pupils turned into cherries and quarters poured out of your mouth.
c. Occurred at a speed only observed in quantum physics.
We'll have the results of your test in a couple of days.
posted by Francesco Marciuliano at 3:35 PM
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4 Comments:
I can't tell if I hurt something or if I'm hungry, so who knows where that leaves me. But I'm merely here to plug a similar quiz. Only I'm either using mine to get laid or as a way to destroy empty work hours. And making the prize packages has been fun so far. But really, how many different ways can you pose naked with a plate of sliced yams?
(answer: 38).
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Your idea of a "protest" is:
a. Staging a sit-in at a nuclear reactor/conservative think tank/food co-op that doesn't offer imitation soy crabmeat, singing along to "Rage Against the Machine" and getting high off of good vibes, bad pot and day-old hummus.
a. Refusing to buy bagels from the place down the block because the cashier was "snippy."
c. Yelling at the TV whenever the anchor mentions a tax hike.
hmmmmmmm. We know how old you are.
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